The Goddamned Batman...and Bees.

Well.

I read the most recent issue of All-Star Batman & Robin. I really can't say that I enjoyed it. I do realize that it is all just a merry jape of Frank Miller's by now. Tearing the characters of the DCU to shreds can indeed be fun. I'm a little surprised by the fact that he's getting PAID to do this, but it isn't my company.

But when you mock Hal Jordan, Mr. Miller, you GO TOO FAR!

Mocking Hal is MY job. And I do it lovingly.

I don't even LIKE Batman that much, and I feel sorry for the actual Batfans after reading what Mr. Miller is putting him through.d But I guess I'm just not "hip" and "with it" enough to revel in the delicious satire or something.

Anyway, Hal goes to try and reason with Batman, but doesn't get anywhere, because the Goddamned Batman has not only painted the entire building a bright yellow, but he's painted himself and Robin as well. Then he sits around and swills lemonade while he makes fun of poor Hal. Brutally.

The Hal loses his temper and yells "Damn you and your lemonade!" and punches the Goddamned Batman, at which point, young Robin jumps Hal and beats him up and then punches him in the jugular. Hal is choking to death, and finally the Goddamned Batman stops laughing his ass off at Robin's adorable antics and they perform a rough amateur tracheotomy.

That's the story. This is Dick Grayson by the way, not Jason Todd. He does seem to be suffering from a SEVERE case of Stockholm Syndrome.



Gosh. Doesn't that just make you want to be a Batman and Robin fan?


On the other hand, I'm still squeeeeeing over Blue Beetle. The more that you go back and read it, the more details that you discover. I completely stole this from Scans Daily, and I'm ashamed to say that I didn't immediately get the joke. Now I can't stop snickering.



They're BEES! My God!

HAW!

So here we have in the same week from the same publisher, the very best and what I consider to be just about the worst comics. I know that a lot of people just LOVE ASBAR, but I just can't get over my revulsion at the vile way that Mr. Miller is treating characters that I am fond of. But if you like it, then hey, more power to you.

Blue Beetle #24

So have I mentioned lately how much I love this book? It is good. No...it is BEYOND good. It is insanely good.

Things are really heating up now. Jaime has been taken prisoner by the Reach, and his family has been targeted for death. Fortunately, everyone does manage to get out of the the house before it is destroyed, and although they may be a bit battered and in shock, they are all alive. In fact, things even start to improve a little bit.



Traci is an amazing girlfriend.

Then Paco pulls up in the Beetlemobile, and they all pile in. Brenda is a tiny bit jealous of Traci, but then who wouldn't be? Meanwhile, back on the Reach ship, Jaime is having his own problems. They ripped the scarab right out of his back last issue, and so far, his situation has deteriorated lamentably.



But he's the Blue Beetle, dammit. And Blue Beetles "...don't need no stinking powers!"

Yes, Jaime busts out, by speaking what seems to be scarab talk, clobbers a guard, grabs a weapon,and decides that he needs pants. Pants, then spaceship. In that order. He even grabs a pair of yellow goggles, all of which is making my heart palpitate with delight. Then he steals a little escape pod thing, and heads for the engines. He's got all the Reach on the basically running around like chickens with their heads cut off. Ted Kord would be proud. Guy would be proud.

The nasty old Negotiator for the Reach is starting to lose his temper. He sends his main flunky down to Earth to dispose of Jaime's family, which doesn't go as well as they think it will, mainly because the Reyes' have Traci helping out, NOT to mention Peacemaker and posse, and La Dama, and some Intergang weaponry. Have I mentioned that Mr. Reyes can KICK ASS?!!

Back on the ship, Jaime continues to mess with their poor Reach minds. he enters a code in to the ship's computers that they cannot seem to deciper, and the poor Negotiator is really starting to lose his grip on things.

There is some trouble back on Earth however. Mrs. Reyes has Brenda grab Milago so that she can get her out the danger zone, but they get flanked, and Brenda is lying (hopefully) unconcious on the ground. Jaime has also finally been nabbed, and taken before the Negotiator, who, needless to say, is fit to be tied. He demands that Jaime tell him what the code is, and like the hero that he is, Jaime says no, whereupon the Negotiator tells him fine then, does he have any last words?




Jaime has just two. Khaji Da!

At this point, I just gave up and passed out from the sheer magnificence of it all. There are some lovely things going on in this issue, from the cover, with its reference to the death of Ted Kord, to Jaime running around in what looks a bit like Ted's old suit, and even the yellow goggles. But that LAST bit, was how Dan Garrett used to wake up the scarab! Gah! That's a cliffhanger and a half!

The art is lovely as usual, with Rafael Albuquerque doing the chores, and John Rogers as the writer. THIS is what a comic should be. It's lighthearted, it doesn take itself too seriously, it uses continuity without being a slave to it, there is action, there is plot, there is humor, there is face-kicking action and danger...it's just about perfect. It has the world's best supporting cast, and beautifully fleshed out characters

Tim doesn't think that Jaime is Titans material? It's true. He's not a loser! Haw!

Read this. Savor it and enjoy it.

Ghostrider...the Movie!

I finally got to see the Ghostrider movie last night. It was on one of those cable movie channels...not HBO or Cinemax, but the other one. Showtime! That was the one. I actually had to get up and go and turn on the television, because my brain was having one of those senior moments.

Anyway...it wasn't bad! Cheesy of course, but I actually like cheese. The plot was a little thin, but it was heads and shoulders above that Knightrider dreck from the other evening. And the special effects were great! It was all worth it, when he rides the flaming motorcycle up the side of the building. Oooh, and when Sam Elliot turns into the old West Ghostrider, and they go thundering off into the night on the skeletal horse and the flaming motorcycle. Gave me chills, it did.

There are worse ways to spend an evening.

I'm still mainlining Nyquil, but the end looks to be in sight. The funny thing about breathing...you never really appreciate it, until you CAN'T! I blew my nose, and I think half of my brains came out. Isn't THAT a lovely picture to take with you?

Thank goodness it's Wednesday. It's not even snowing...yet. I think that Thor and Blue Beetle come out this week. No Green Lantern, it's been postponed till next week.

A Challenge, Sirrah!

Over at his blog, "Reporting on Marvels and Legends" at http://calvinpitt.blogspot.com/ Calvin has come up with an interesting challenge. Take a cover and rewrite the solicitation to it. This seems to be a worthy idea, and one furthermore, that I can actually do, since my brain is still so doped up on cold medicine that I can hardly walk.

Therefore, for the upcoming Green Lantern Corps:



SOLICITATION: Join Guy and Kyle, as their search for Mongul takes an unexpected turn, and they are attacked by a new villain from Earth. See the dastardly antics of the CHEF as he smothers them with Spaghetti-o's

Yeah, that's pretty lame. Can you do better?

Once Again, Hal Salutes the Oscars

Yeah, yeah, I ran this same picture last year. What can I say, except that it is obviously a classic. Plus, my nose feels as though it weighs twenty pounds, so I'm not really up to anything more energetic today.

Besides, the thought of Hal being beaned by an Academy Award just cracks me up.

Knightrider...LIVES!

So, last evening, my sweet Baboo and I were snuggling on the couch, coughing and wheezing tenderly at one another. He has reached the dreaded "breakup of the phlegm" stage, while I am merely in the "hacking up a lung" stage of disease. Needless to say, our children were avoiding us completely.

But there we were, in search of mindless entertainment, when what should come up on the screen but a repeat of the pilot for KNIGHTRIDER! The NEW Knightrider! I must admit to some skepticism, but Blaise (my sweet Baboo) was all in favor of it.

I've never seen a two hour commercial for Ford before!

This makes comic books look like Shakespeare by comparison. The plot...such as it was...involved generic Bad Guys breaking into the home of an elderly genius to steal his data for the Prometheus Project for any number of nefarious reasons. Before he can give them the codes, he has a heart attack and...dies! The Bad Guys go prowling through the house and discover in the garage, a rather tricked-out FORD Mustang, which comes to life and roars off into the night! The car is on a mission to save the genius's hot twenty-something daughter who is apparently a full professor at Stamford.

The Bad Guys go after the girl! In the middle of all this, a hawt woman is surfing, and then comes up from the beach to her fabulous beachfront house, and peels off her T-shirt and takes an outdoor shower in her tiny bikini top. This goes on for quite some time. I poked my sweet Baboo and asked him just what this actually contributed to the plot, but he was too mesmerized to answer. Eventually the young lady goes into her fabulous and very expensively furnished Beachfront property to dress. Another young lady is in her bed, and it is established that she's a fabulous fabulous (and apparently quite well-to-do) lesbian. She's also apparently an FBI agent. Wow! They pay those people a whole lot more than I ever thought, if she can afford a beachfront house in California!

The Bad Guys try to capture the young hot professor daughter, but she is SAVED! Saved by KITT the Car! The FORD car. There then ensues quite the CAR CHASE through the winding hilly landscape. The FORD Mustange miraculously avoides being hit by other FORD cars, while being hotly pursued by another nice new FORD car. Eventually, the FORD pursuer gets stopped by almost hitting a large FORD truck, and the FORD Mustang (KITT) escapes! Brilliantly! There is also a helicopter, but it isn't a FORD. There is at one point a Volvo, which isn't a FORD, but it is owned by FORD, so that it all works out in the end.

There's more of course. Eventually, they go to Las Vegas to find the male lead to all of this, known as Mike Tracer! Ooh, what a manly manly name! But not quite manly enough, so I start calling him Lance Studly. At this point, Blaise and I are doing Nyquil shots every time Lance...um...Mike...does something stupid, which is quite a lot. Lance (Mike) owes some lowlife in Las Vegas $90,000 for some reason, and he has to repay him...by MIDNIGHT! Or ELSE! Lance(Mike) is in a casino trying to raise the money,when the hot Stamford professor runs in and begs him to help her.

Reluctantly he does so. And by doing so, loses his chips. Which leads me to another question. What happens to those chips when the good guy has to run out and save the day? The same thing happened in that first issue of The Brave & the Bold, when Hal has just won a small fortune, but he and Batman have to go and save the Universe. Does the Casino get the money? Or do they all just split it up amongst themselves? Is there a special fund for it?

Anyway, they both run off in the Car. This leaves Lance's(Mike's) nerdy flunky of a mechanic friend in dire straights, as the low-lifes are going to kill him, but what the heck.

At this point, all the Nyquil starts to take effect, and I nod off. I can only assume that much awesomeness occurs while I am asleep. When I do wake up, they are still driving around in the CAR, being chased, but Lance(Mike) finally gets fed up with being chased and spins out KITT, and the FORD chase vehicle crashes into the side! KITT is just fine, but the other nice FORD car is demolished and the bad guys either killed or hurt. And her father who was supposed to be dead is in the back seat, with just a bump on the noggin! Woohoo!

Then Lance Studly(Mike's) mother apparently dies, and they all get dressed up to go to her funeral, including the nebbishy mechanic, who the last time I saw him, was being held at gunpoint by the low-lifes, but without any mention of it, survived and is now dressed in a suit. And then David Haselhoff shows up. The original Michael Knight! And Lance Studly's Father!

So Lance(Mike) agrees to work for the Good Guys, the music swells, and he and KITT are dropped out of a plane into Prague or something. The plane has propellers. This is the most advanced cybernetics, nanotechnology whatever on the planet, and they are flying around in a WWII surplus plane...with propellers.

The acting is horrible, with the possible exception of Val Kilmer as the car. I laughed my ass off.

Blurg!

I have a sore throat, it's still snowing, and my sinuses are killing me. I am NOT feeling particularly witty. I am not feeling scintillating. I want my mommy.

However, I do give you this:



Because a picture of Alan's behind is always a good thing. You can tell that Alan is a Green Lantern, because even though he may wear a cape, he STILL manages to show off his taut buttocks.

Alan Scott. Sexiest Grandpa ever.

Oh Hal.

It's snowing, and I have an impending tickle in my throat that bodes no good. What does all of this mean? Why, it means that it's time to pick on Hal again. I haven't done it in at LEAST a week or so.

Mainly, this was brought on by the fact that I've been rooting around in my boxes again, and reading whole huge chunks of books all at once. I finished off the JLI, and then Guy Gardner: Warrior a little while ago, and am now immersed in early Green Lanterns. Gosh they are fun. Gosh, but Hal is an idiot most of the time. But what the heck, I've come to realize that that is part of his charm.



Like this scan. I don't even know where it is from, but it just sums up everything about Hal so well.

It was recently stated that horror movies don't bother our boy at all, but movies like "Love Actually" and "My Best Friend's Wedding" send him into a cold sweat of panic. If Hal has nightmares, do you suppose that they revolve around flashbacks to the time that Kari Limbo actually got him to the altar? If it hadn't been for her finally figuring out that Guy was trapped in another dimension, the two of them would have actually gone through with it, and Hal would be MARRIED! It rather makes his subsequent poor treatment of Guy even worse in retrospect. Guy inadvertently SAVED Hal from being leg-shackled to one of the most annoying women in the entire DC Universe!

Carol Ferris was pretty determined to marry Hal (or Green Lantern if you will) for a while there. Not to mention Dorine, Rose and all the others. I'm not sure that any of these ladies ever took a moment to think things through. Being a non-powered spouse to a superhero has a lot of drawbacks. Just ask Lois Lane. Nothing like painting a huge target on your backside. Is it really worth being kidnapped on a weekly basis, just in order to score off of your friends about having sex with Hal Jordan? Hell, half of the free world, not to mention the galaxy...has had sex with Hal Jordan! I can only assume that being a Green Lantern confers the ability to not be infected with a variety of STD's.

But I'm getting sidetracked. I suppose the ultimate horror for Hal, other than women wanting to marry him...would be women NOT wanting to marry him. He does have a rather HIGH opionion of himself. There is a lovely moment in the most recent Green Lantern issue, where the Guardians are choosing potential candidates for the Alpha Lanterns and they pass right by Hal. He doesn't WANT to be an Alpha Lantern...and yet, you can tell from the look on his face that he is just the teensiest bit miffed that they didn't even consider him.

Oh Hal. Never change.

A Pretty Decent Week

Not the BEST week ever, but tolerable certainly. I finally got my greedy little hands on Wonder Woman #17, and it was fantastic! It's so nice to have a Diana who is...awe-inspiring, as opposed to not knowing how to pump gas.

The Brave & the Bold was fun. Boy those snotty little Teen Titans need to learn some manners! Yes, Garth is a freak, but it still isn't nice to point that out. I just LOVED Wonder Woman's earrings. I loved Green Arrow's reply when she asked why Speedy couldn't come too. Hee hee.

Birds of Prey was...ok. I liked the Huntress/Zinda storyline very much, but was left a little cold by the Misfit/Black Alice plot. Plus, Babs has been a little on the dull side lately. But gosharootie, Zinda rocks. I'd STILL love to have Fire and Ice on this team somehow.

Does anyone miss Barda? I miss Barda.

Speaking of which, in Death of the New Gods, Orion certainly went out with a bang. And Scott seems to be a bit deranged. I actually thought that Countdown had more oomph to it this week. Man, Granny really got hers! And the Gods are free again! And Mary's back in the white outfit, which I love! Jason is still a tool! I wonder...I really really wonder if Batman will ever come to realize that all of this is the direct result of his shenanigans? Stupid Batman!

Checkmate was good, and the Flash was fun. Is it childish of me to want Jai and Iris to actually GET Superman's cape? Haw!

Justice League is starting to annoy me. Why are there two stories? On the other hand, it was fun to watch Waller play Wonder Woman and Superman so perfectly. Batman for a change is smart enough to figure things out. And they DIDN'T have the Suicide Squad be up to taking out the Justice League, which quite frankly, would have been ludicrous. Nevertheless, I'm wondering what the heck is going on with Vixen. Red Tornado on the other hand, bores me to tears. I don't CARE if he gets his body back. Yes, I AM a mean person.

I DID pick up the third Trade of Manhunter however, and it is GREAT! That's some good good writin' there. AND art. I really do hope that they decide to bring this book back.

I'm REALLY Glad that it's Wednesday

Well, yesturday was certainly a heck of a day. I managed to cook some fried chicken in the microwave without thinking anything about it, but some of the grease spilled and although it didn't actually ignite, it was hot enough to make a whole lot of smoke in the pantry and the kitchen. This was rather startling, as you could imagine, so I made my son grab the dogs and go outside, while I called the Fire Department.

Since I live in a very small town, they responded very quickly, and with EVERY FIRETRUCK that we own! I was quite apologetic when it turned out to be basically nothing, but they got to use all their really cool equipment, like these camera things that point out heat sources, and we got the furnace checked, which was good, since it is gas, and opened all the windows, and now everthing smells a little funny. We also got to block the road, and redirect traffic and give a hell of a good show to all of our neighbors. In the end, a good time was had by all, and I did manage to clean the inside of the microwave, which is probably a good thing.

So...I'm hoping to go and get my books and pray for a slightly calmer day today. To my credit, I didn't scream and run upstairs and try to save all of my comic books. However, the thought DID cross my mind, which is probably pretty sad.

But it looks like a pretty good week. There is Birds of Prey, the Brave & the Bold, Checkmate, Countdown, Death of the New Gods, Flash,, JLA and Zorro. Oh, and I have to pick up Wonder Woman, which I somehow missed from last week.

I Miss Beau Smith!

Well, here is a fine coincidence. The past couple of evenings, I've been re-reading all of my Guy Gardner: Warrior books. I started out trying to find stuff about Ice for my previous essay, but was just having too much fun to stop. Then today, I was on the "Line of Fire" site, reading reviews, and just for the heck of it, checked in on Mr. Smith's "Busted Knuckles" column, which is always fun.

Lo and behold, he was talking about Guy! A few years have passed, and he's gone on to write a whole passel of other good books, but I was delighted to learn that people still love those Warrior issues. As well they should. I liked the series from the start, with Gerard Jones, and Chuck Dixon, but it didn't REALLY start to get crazy fun until Beau Smith hopped on. Besides, after Guy got Parallaxed, it had Nazis riding Dinosaurs, and it doesn't get much better than that. Well...maybe talking Gorillas, but those came in later in the series.

I love what Geoff Johns and Peter Tomassi are doing with Guy and all the Green Lanterns right now, but none of that would have been possible without the careful...yet wacky...work that Beau Smith did on Guy's character way back when. And while the old JLI of Giffen and DeMatteis is still my favorite incarnation of the Justice League, there is no doubt that Guy was pretty much a one-note character back then. In his own book he was granted some depth and a more fleshed-out personality.

I do wish that DC would give him a mini-series or something. How about reviving Green Lantern Corps Quarterly? I'd be in heaven.

Oh, and Mr. Smith also had the very good taste to link Ragnell, Kalinara and myself. I immediately ran around yelling to my kids that I had been linked. They put down their "Guitar Hero" game for a nanosecond and stared blankly at me, which put a bit of a damper on my enthusiasm, but what the heck. I'm still all of a twitter.

A Little Ice

As we all know by now, Tora Olafsdottir, better known as Ice from the old Justice League, is alive and back and fighting the good fight. She's a little hesitant about leaping into Guy's arms right away, and really who can blame her? Well, actually I did for a bit, but last night I started going through ALL of my old "Warriors" issues.

Surprise, surprise, I had rather forgotten, that for quite a while there, Guy and Ice hadn't been getting along at all. This was of course, back in Guy's brain-dead days, and even though he did love her, he wasn't a particularly good boy friend. Their dates were occasionally on the bizarre side, he ignored her feelings far too often, and even had this habit of knocking her over or down the stairs on occasion.

Then she had her little schoolgirl crush on Superman. Needless to say, this didn't go over particularly well with Guy. I can't really blame him, however, because I noticed that during this particular time period when Superman joined the JLI, he was JUST as obnoxious as Batman. He ordered everybody around and was rather full of himself.

Then Guy lost his Green Lantern ring and a whole lot of self-esteem, and went a bit off of the rails. More than usual anyway, and Ice seemed to be finding it increasingly difficult to be supportive. Really, Guy WAS being an absolute jackass for a while there.

Then, she left to go back home, and find herself a little bit, and they ran into all that trouble with her evil brother. At least she has that in common with Guy! This is the point I believe, where her powers began to increase. Ice had certainly never been one of the heavyweights in the Justice League, her ice powers were ...cute perhaps, and she provided a lot of heart and some much-needed innocence, at least in contrast to all the rampaging egos around her. Now all of a sudden, she could DO stuff. I thought that it was a welcome development.

But it wasn't until I was reading GG:Warrior #19, that I was rather startled to discover that suddenly, Ice could fly! I didn't remember her being able to fly before! This is the issue where she's off feeding seals, and Guy, wearing a prototype armor that he borrowed from Beetle, goes off to find her, and tell her that he's changed. And he has, he's even apologizing and doing his level best to be nice. Ice is starting to weaken a little bit, when Guy's evil brother Mace shows up, in his Militia guise.

Guy's armor can't stand up to the beating that Militia is dishing out, and he can't use his yellow ring, because for some reason it's on the fritz. He's getting the stuffing knocked out of him, when Ice jumps in, and FLIES off and starts handing some whup-ass on Militia! My sweet little Ice! Of course Militia smacks her around pretty good,which ticks Guy off something fierce, and then lo and behold his ring comes back...with a vengeance! This is all apart of the Emerald Fallout story arc, which eventually leads to Hal as Parallax spanking Guy and most of the Justice League. Then while Guy is in a coma, and then in the Nabba jungle looking for new powers, Ice goes off and gets killed by the Overmaster.

So, she really only had her increased level of powers for a short time. What I want to know, is she still at this level, now that she's back? I couldn't for the life of me figure out how she could be flying with all of the Green Lanterns, or why she's off with Guy, Fire and Booster in the coming issue with the new Blue Beetle, but if she really CAN fly now, and her ice powers are at their higher level...well that makes her a pretty darned good addition to any superhero team, doesn't it?

I am glad that they put her back in her old costume, with the furry boots and the long sleeves and little white crop-top. The one that she was wearing when she was killed was a little on the egregious side. The cape was nice, but of all people, Tora should NOT have her breasts hanging out, and a decolletage cut down to her navel. It...it's just wrong.

I do hope that Mr. Tomassi is going to address the power level of Ice, and we can get some resolution on her relationship with Guy. 'Cause it's Tora...and who doesn't like Tora?

No, This is the REAL Green Lantern Corps #21!

One of these days, I am going to remember not to click the "return" button when I'm trying to get from the the title to the main gist of the stuff that I'm writing. Typewriters never used to do this sort of thing to me! Gah!

*Ahem*

Getting into things...again...this was an interesting issue. No Guy, no Kyle, which is a darned shame, but I can live with it, they'll be popping up again after this Alpha Lantern business is taken care of. And speaking of Alpha Lanterns, the Guardians have once again committed a HUGE mistake...but one that is certainly in keeping with their modus operandi. The Alpha Lanterns, are regular Green Lanterns who have surrendered their bodies, their minds and basically their souls over to the Guardians, to be transformed into updated Manhunters more or less. They are supposed to serve as the Internal Affairs branch of the Lanterns, policing their fellow Corpsmen and women, and keeping them in line, and dispensing a bit of rough justice when they deem it called for.

Poor Boodikka was one of the Lanterns who so eagerly offered themselves and now she's on the rampage, berating one Lantern for not pursueing a Sinestro Corp member (who just happens to be his brother) and being rude to both Tomar and Graf Toren when they want her to help Laira. Graf however apparently hits a tiny bit of humanity that is still within Boodikka when he refers to her "Blood Sisters". The Guardians also send her off to her old home of Bellatrix, when they say that a new Green Lantern has received a ring there, but has so far refused to come to Oa for training.

There is a bit of flashback to Boodikka's old days as a bounty hunter and her relationship with her sister. There is also an interesting revelation at the end, in regards to the identity of the new Green Lantern.

What I found to be most interesting however, is the way that the creation of the Alpha Lanterns reflects upon the characters of the Guardians. After sending Boodikka off on her mission, several of the Guardians are discussing their decision amongst themselves and are basically patting themselves on the back. The Alpha Lanterns never need to rest or recharge...or show remorse for what they ask them to do.

Uh oh.

I can see that the Guardians are big fans of the concept of "the beatings will continue until morale improves" school of thought. The original Manhunters were an abysmal failure, and they just finished fighting the results of that failure in the recent Sinestro Corps War. Why exactly they thought that it would be just a PEACHY idea to go and create some NEW Manhunters has escaped me. They did combine the Manhunter technology with actual living beings, but then went and took away both their free will and willpower. Both of which are pretty essential to BEING a Green Lantern.

They were also awfully sneaky about the way that they recruited their guinea pigs. Telling them that it was such a huge honor, and how lucky they would all be and how FABULOUS it all was. John was the only one with the skepticism and brains to question it, and boy, did THEY get snarky on HIS ass. Those pesky Earth Lanterns! Always asking questions.

The question, is that that does the Corps actually NEED the Alpha Lanterns? They seem to have managed pretty darn well for an awfully long time without them. Discipline was handled by Salakk, or the Guardians themselves. They had the Fists of the Guardians for a while, and there is also the Honor Guard. Or are the Alpha Lanterns just a defense against Parallax? The Guardians have booted out Ganthet and Sayd for being sensitive (and sensible) but they seem to be the ones who have given themselves over to fear.

They've also become something of a bully.

Stupid Guardians.

Green Lantern Corps #21

Booster Gold #0

Firstly, having a tie-in, however tenuous to Zero Hour just delights me. I may be one of the few people who admits to actually LIKING Zero Hour, so the thought of Beetle and Booster zooming around is a great idea. Yes, Hal was all Parallax and crazy, but it had Guy being heroic, it brought us Lady Blackhawk, and it lead to the end of Kari Limbo. What's not to like?

Anyway.

Booster and the Beetles have successully rescued Ted Kord. This is a good thing. (Next they have to rescue the REAL Max)...and according to the mysterious Beetle from the Future, they have done so without any of the repurcussions that Rip was warning them about. Booster is happy, Ted is happy to be alive, and he and Dan both learn that the Scarab isn't magical, it's just alien technology. As they are all discussing this, who should they see in the Time Stream, but Parallax and Extant, who are plotting together and being all evil and stuff. Lots of gritted teeth and evil eyebrows...until they catch sight of the Time Sphere, and suddenly Parallax is going ..."Whuhuh?" It's a lovely moment.





Jaime, bless his innocent little heart is a little nervous and asks if anyone thinks that they were seen. Which leads to Dan saying..."We're five grown men, dressed in bright colors inside a clear plastic bubble set against a rainbow background, Jaime. They saw us."

Hee hee!

Well, Parallax immediately has a hissy fit and he and Extant attack our heroes. Hal even calls Beetle and Booster the "idiots who slandered the Justice League's reputation." which seems a tad on the harsh side. Booster REALLY wishes that more people knew about Max, while Ted is just confused. So there is a nice little fight, and Jaime and the future Beetle's Scarabs get to enjoy themselves by fighting a Green Lantern.

Unfortunately, their little fracas has damaged the Time Sphere, and they end up crashing in the 25th Century, which is none other than Booster's home turf. In fact, they crash on the day of Booster's big game with Gotham University vs. Ohio State, where to save his nasty old Father, he ends up throwing the game. This leads to a great deal of angst and flashbacks, and regret about his sister. Ted's immediate idea is try and change things so that Booster doesn't throw the game, and can save his sister, but then Booster will probably never meet Ted, and Oh, the Complications of Time Travel! Oh yeah, and the Time Sphere is totally busted.

Fortunately, Booster knows where they can get another one, so they all go and burgle the Museum where Booster used to work. Too bad his security codes don't work. They end up getting chased by a bunch of robot guards, including Skeets!


Whew! Now of course, they all have to go their separate ways, and forget that all of this ever happened. Jaime is sad.




Look at that adorable little face! He calls Ted, Sir! Oh Jaime, I could just eat you up with a spoon. Then FutureBeetle gets a little smarmy, and winks out too. I'm keeping an eye on that guy. Something just doesn't ring right about him.

Then a little "POP" and Beetle and Booster are back at Rip's place. Too bad Rip isn't there, and the place is trashed. And then...


Oh crappity crap.

Happy Valentine's Day

What oh what could possibly convey the proper mood of romanticism and mushiness that inflicts itself upon us, on this, most hallowed day? Hallowed by Hallmark at least. Once again, I turn to comics to get into the proper mood.

Here's Hal Jordan. Hal LOVES Valentine's DAy!



I'll bet that Ice gets a huge box of chocolates. Which of course, Guy will then proceed to eat.



Still...just how cute is that anyway?

This one is nice.



Nice that they actually went and made it all legal and such.

This is just so adorable. I DO hope that he and the rest of the Six make it back from Salvation Run in one piece.



This...this is just wrong. Scott is NOT having a very nice Valentine's Day! But Superman IS!



Unfortunately for Superman, Lois is ALSO having quite a Valentine's Day.



Gee, Guy is getting more action than Hal!



Oops. May have spoken too soon about that.



Heck, even G'nort is having a heck of a day.



Please. You just KNOW that this is the sort of thing that G'nort dreams about. Wuffling and Whining to himself as he does.

And here is J'onn. And his one true love.



I really should probably stop now. Who knew that I had that many mushy pictures? Oh, and a happy Valentine's day to you all!

Oh Kyle!

You all remember this scan, don't you? Always makes ME snicker just a little bit.



I think that Kyle looks awfully relaxed. Kalinara always thought that Kyle had been in this position before.

I've discovered proof.



Gosh, Kyle gets around!

I really just decided that Hal was due for a rest from getting bonked in the head. The poor boy probably has a headache.

I will be facing snow, sleet, ice and rain just in order to get to the comic book store today. There are all KINDS of goodies coming out, including Green Lantern Corps, Booster Gold #0 and Wonder Woman for starters. Plus, son is buying me lunch. Woohoo!

God, I love Wednesdays.

Mr. Gerber

I just found out that Steve Gerber died, and I'm feeling rather depressed. He's been writing the Countdown to Mystery book, with Dr. Fate, and in my mind, it has been one of the very best of the Countdown tie-ins.

Mr. Gerber had been around for quite a while, and as with all of my favorite writers and artists, I just assumed that he would always be around. I can remember reading a book and liking it a lot, and THEN going back and realizing who the writer was....I unconciously read a lot of Steve Gerber books that way.

And then there was Howard the Duck. I remember picking this up on a whim and being enchanted. Sure it was silly, but there was a lot of very biting commentary, satire and irony all wrapped up those pages as well.

And then there was this.



Hee hee.

I LOVED Dr. Bong! He was such an insane concept, such an over-the-top-and-then-some super villain. And he bloviated so very very well. I liked Howard, and I liked Beverly, but I REALLY liked Dr. Bong.

Thank you, Mr. Gerber.

Looney Lanterns

I really don't know what made me think of this. I must admit that I have never yet seen the Duck Dodgers episode with all of the Green Lanterns, but I am hoping to someday watch it before I'm dead.

But I got to thinking about Looney Tunes, and then I got to thinking about Green Lanterns...and you can see where this is going, can't you?

Hal Jordan is Bugs Bunny. I'm sorry, that's just the way that it is. Of course, this makes Guy Gardner Daffy Duck. It...it's just so damned perfect! As for Kyle, I am thinking of Porky Pig. This may sound peculiar to you, and at first I also thought of Tweety Bird. But Porky is just so sweet and naive, that he seems like Kyle to me.

I do have to say, that I don't have a clue about John. John is far too normal and dignified to be a Looney Tunes character. Nevertheless, there has to be SOMEBODY that he can be.

But seriously, can't you just see Hal and Guy sitting around, and going "Rabbit season1" "DUCK season!" BOOM!

This is for Ragnell and Kalinara

Well, I don't usually post on Sunday's, but I am making an exception today. See, Ragnell has been feeling poorly, and Kalinara is swamped with Lawyer School stuff. It seems to me, that a small pick-me-up is in order.

Therefore:



Granted, this doesn't show Kyle's rear, but he IS shirtless, and that's always nice.

Smallville

I actually broke down and watched Smallville this past Thursday, something that I haven't done in quite a while. The only reason of course, was that Green Arrow was back, and it was the debut of Black Canary.

A lot of people seem to be unhappy with the way that Smallville is progressing, with the constant influx of guest super heroes. Quite frankly, the whole idea of Clark and Lana and Chloe in Smallville bores me to tears. I LIKE the influx of guest super heroes! If they had the Justice League, composed of Green Arrow, and Bart, and Cyborg and Arthur, with Chloe as their Oracle, I'd watch it ever week! To me, it's a lot more fun than watching Clark angst, or Lana connive.

But anyway...I didn't mind Dinah. The makeup for the mask was a little odd, but by God, they got the fishnets and the boots exactly right! So a hearty Hoohah!

Plus, the guy that plays Green Arrow...Justin Hartley? is GORGEOUS! And he had his shirt off when Lois barged in, which didn't hurt either. I still think that if they dye his hair red, and slap a black turtleneck on him, he'd make a dynamite Guy Gardner. He's got the chin. And the jaw.

*sigh*

So, unless they have more guest super heroes (and Supergirl does NOT count) I guess it's back to watching This Old House on Thursdays.

This is a Whole Can of Worms

I am probably committing blogger suicide here, but I have a theory. And that theory, is that perhaps, in the long run, Emerald Twilight...wasn't so bad.

What is that sound that you hear? Herds of GL fanboys screaming in the night? I guess my perspective may be different, but when they did the whole thing with Hal going nuts, the destruction of Coast City, and Hal as Parallax, I wasn't even reading Green Lantern. I knew vaguely what was going on, but didn't pay much attention. It wasn't until quite a bit later, that I started picking up Green Lantern again, and then, since I didn't have the slightest clue as to what was going on...who WAS this Kyle person anyway?...I began to go and pick up back issues so that I could fill in the holes.

And you know what? Although I do agree that the initial plotline was a bit rushed, and there were probably a lot of things that could have been done a little better, I still think that Emerald Twilight does hold up as an important story. Maybe THE important story, because when you think about it, a lot of what has happened to Hal in the meantime, certainly goes back to that whole story arc.

I love Hal, I really do. But...(and I ALWAYS have to insert that but)...there is no doubt that in the Silver Age at least, Hal was a monumental fuck-up. He was arrogant, selfish, domineering and quite requently, stupid on a galactic level. For all of that, he was still handsome, charming, brave and stubborn. Generous and understanding however, he was not. He treated Guy pretty shabbily for one thing, picking him to be his replacement without ANY training, and then running off with Guy's fiancee after the poor fellow was supposedly tortured and killed. Guy turned out to not be dead, but he was pretty much broken, so Hal put him on the shelf for a while, and decided to play with John Stewart instead.

He didn't treat John a whole lot better than Guy. Hal certainly had an elitist attitude around John for quite a while. John himself brings it up in "Mosaic" that Hal saw him as his creation,and how he got mad when that creation went and got uppity. Then Guy came back a changed and bitter man, and Hal didn't behave much better. I'm not even going to go into his whole treatment of Carol Ferris.

So Hal starts to get white temples, and begins to act even more arrogantly than before. He takes Guy's ring back for no good reason, he's hitting on Power Girl, pushing people around, and then of course Coast City is destroyed, and he completely loses it. I don't say that the Guardians handled things any better of course. In their own inimitable fashion, they screwed things up even worse than Hal did.

Geoff Johns' retcon of Parallax into the mind-possessing space bug, is genius to my mind. I can now go back and reread those issues, and NOT want to kick Hal in the gonads. Then we had Final Night, and Hal's redemption, and then we had Hal as the Spectre, and then finally, finally we had Hal in Rebirth. Then we had Recharge, and the reestablishment of the Green Lantern Corps, the Guardians back, and so on and so forth.

Hal was redeemed in his own book, but still all of the stuff that he did in Emerald Twilight is still there, and he has to deal with it every day. He's not quite so guilt-ridden as he was, but it is such a more interesting take on his character. The concept of the Lost Lanterns is a wonderful one, the distrust of the Guardians, and the way that Hal has actually had to fight to earn his right to be among the other heroes and the Corps is much more interesting to me, than simply seeing Hal the way that he used to be.

Like Guy, like John, like Kyle, Hal has actually had to grow and change as a character. He's still on the arrogant side, and I think that he always will be, it is such an intrinsic part of his nature, he's still brave, he's still handsome and he's still charming. He's NOT quite as stupid as he used to be however, and he even has shown a tendancy to stop and think once in a while, and possibly even learn from his mistakes, which is a HUGE step for Hal Jordan.

I think that we can all agree that this is a wonderful time to be a Green Lantern fan, with two books, and a lot of attention on Hal, John, Guy and Kyle. Or, as Geoff Johns calls them, the Four Musketeers. And we wouldn't have been able to have Rebirth, Recharge OR the Sinestro Corps War without Emerald Twilight.

Oh, and can still make fun of him. He makes it so easy sometimes.

Well Shave my Head, and Paint me Blue...

...but this was a FUN week for comics! I LIKE fun! Fun is good. Fun is...well, fun.

This is the second issue of Nightwing that I have bought, starting with last month's issue by Peter Tomasi, and I find that I am hooked. I never even really liked Nightwing that much, but the art is lovely, and the plot is interesting, and I really REALLY enjoyed seeing all of Dick's interactions with his friends and colleagues. We got to see John Stewart doing his Architect thing, which for some reason always delights me, Alfred and Bruce, and best of all, WALLY! Two old buddies hanging out and drinking beer. It was fabulous.

One small caveat. The art was quite nice, but Wally has GREEN eyes, not blue. That's my only nitpickery.

Teen Titans: Year One was a hoot and a half. The art is so expressive, and frankly watching poor old Garth make a spectacle out of himself was a delight. The final page where Donna shows up was especially nice, with the expressions on Robin, Kid Flash, Speedy and Aqualad's faces depicted just...so...perfectly. Roy's leer in particular made me laugh out loud.

The All-New Atom was delightful as usual. Like Manhunter and Birds of Prey and Blue Beetle, I
came a little late to this book ,but I am making up for lost time. This was great, and if you can't enjoy the food fight scene with the lariat and the pancakes, then you shouldn't be reading comics.

And Fables! Fables had a...a HAPPY ending! Sorry if I just spoiled it, but I was so sure that Ambrose was going to kck the bucket. I almost still can't believe that Willingham went for a happy ending! And all those really really cool little plot twists and stuff!

There was a lot of other good stuff too, of course, but it was just SO nice to be reading some books withOUT the death of a major or minor character. For those of you are getting a little burned out with all the blood and angst, this was a welcome week.

Oh Hal...!

It occurs to me that I haven't made fun of Hal Jordan in a little while. It also occured to Sea of Green over at the "Hoosier Journal of Inanity", and she therefore did a MAGNIFICENT essay on an early issue of Green Lantern that involved Leap Year, Hal's female Fan Club and the inimitable Carol Ferris.

Needless to say, I'm still snickering.

I do have to say that I rather like the Hal's outfit with the black shoulders however. Very sexy. It's pretty obvious that Hal has some problems however. He's "in love" with Carol, but only on his terms. He does have this nasty habit of playing games with her. She's in love with Green Lantern, not Hal, but she's just as fond of playing weird games as he is. I'm not completely convinced that Carol didn't know perfectly well that Hal WAS Green Lantern anyway. It really isn't that huge a leap of logic.

I do think however, that the idea of a largely teenaged female Fan Club for Hal Jordan is a BRILLIANT idea, and one that I wish Geoff Johns would consider. I have to wonder if there is a large generic Green Lantern Fan Club, or if each of the Earth-based GL's have their own individual chapters? Kyle's would probably be pretty unruly, but on the young side. Picture "Hannah Montana" fans running amok.

John's groupies would probably be a little more restrained. I don't even want to think about what Guy's bunch would be like. Wait...I know EXACTLY what Guy's bunch would be like! Heh heh.

Would they have dues? Imitation rings? Meet at the library on alternate Wednesdays? Serve refreshments? Or get on the internet and fantasize about their hindquarters?



This is from the "Leapyear" story over at Sea's. Go read it. It's a hoot. And seeing Hal get hit in the head, is ALWAYS hilarious...no matter how many times I see it.

Ooh, look at the time! Off to get my funny books.

General Ramblings

It's Tuesday, and I it still hasn't quite sunk in that the Patriots lost. I thought that both of the defenses played very well, and both of the offenses stunk on ice, but the Patriot's offense stunk just a little bit more.

On the other hand, the five-layer dip was excellent.

Moving right along...according to DC, Aquaman is Back! Apparently,"We're seeing a version of Aquaman that appeared in Sword of Aquaman...the Arthur Curry Aquaman." This is a quote from Newsarama, and I still am not quite sure what Mr. Didio means. I thought that there was a new Aquaman, and that the original turned into a squid or something? Guess not. That's ok, I don't mind the original coming back, because I'm fond of Aquaman in a mild sort of way. I just don't have a clue as to how this all happened.

MAGIC!

I really don't think that it was very nice of Dr. Strange to just dump everybody in the New Avengers and go off and sulk. Talk about leaving people in a lurch! Carol can't quite make up her mind which side she's on. I still don't know what to think about Tigra. Is she with the New Avengers now, or is she still a dirty rotten traitor, that even Tony Stark and Jarvin hate, even though she was on their side? Or does it even matter anymore since my personal opinion is that they are ALL Skrulls!

Which rather begs the question. If Peter and MJ are Skrulls, did Mephisto really take their Skrully "love"? Maybe Aunt May and Harry are Skrulls too! Maybe Peter and MJ are actually still married, just off wherever the "REAL" characters are. Maybe Joe Quesada is a Skrull. That would explain a lot of things.

I wish that the Max Lord who shot Beetle was a Skrull. I STILL like Max dammit. The old Max anyway.

If Thor is running around (albeit very very slowly) reincarnating Asgardians, does that mean that Odin is coming back too? That could get interesting. Those two have got a really strange relationship. No matter how hard he tries, Thor can never seem to please the old fart, while Odin just seems to really really enjoy being a jerk. Plus he's always taking those protracted naps whenever something bad seems to happen. Then he'd wake up and complain about how they handled the crises. Odin was an old poop.

This is starting to get a little weird. Every once in a while, I just start sitting down and letting the random conciousness flow. However, it IS time to go and vote. I sure do miss those little levers.

Feeling Cranky

Well...the Patriots lost. I'm from New England, so this is a big deal to me. On the other hand, the Giants aren't so bad, so it could be worse. I mean, it could have been DALLAS or something.

*shudder*

Nevertheless, I'm in something of a funk this morning. And I came across THIS little tidbit.




Greg Land, at his most tracey.

And since I am feeling curmudgeonly, I can only look upon this and feel compelled...COMPELLED to point out that This Picture Does Not Work!

For one thing, where is the light source? Is it coming from Nightcrawler's "Bamf" effect? If that were the case, the figures would be backlit, but that doesn't seem to be the case, although I notice that the male figures all have a lot heavier blacks and shading.

However, Emma's light source seems to be coming from the right-hand side of the page. Likewise for Cyclops and Wolverine. However, both Nightcrawler and Colossus seem to have their light source coming from the left-hand side of the page. As for the young female figure in the center, (and who the hell is that anyway?) I'm not exactly sure WHERE the hell her light source is coming from. Also, she only seems to have one wing. Must make it a bit hard to fly, if that is indeed her "schtick".

Perhaps there are multiple light sources. If that were the case however, how can Colossus and Cyclops and Wolverine be so deeply shadowed?

Also, the little winged girl, is posed as standing behind Wolverine, and yet, her arm is in front of him, yet not touching him, which is physically impossible, at least in this particular application.
I know that Mr. Land is capable of drawing, I've seen some of his old artwork, and it is pretty darned good, but this mania for tracing has really become ridiculous. It looks as though he has just randomly traced a variety of figures and then cobbled them together.

Other people than I have pointed this out before. I have to admit however, that this sort of thing drives me nuts, possibly because I like to draw myself. I'm always VERY careful to put in a consistant light source. Perspective is another nice thing to use. And backgrounds. And FEET!

Wanna see a nice piece of work? With shadows and proper lighting and stuff?


That's how it's done.

Green Lantern #27

Well here we are, smack bang in the middle of the Alpha Lantern saga. Nothing like getting right into the swing of things after the Sinestro Corps War. But first back on earth, Hal and John have a job to do, which entails Hal leaping out of bed with Cowgirl...probably to his deep chagrin, and John leaving his drawing table...probably to his deep disgust.

The boys are chasing down an errant yellow ring, and have a bit of lovely banter going. Geoff Johns has given John the same Marine background that he had in the cartoon, which is ok with me. He's still an architect. In fact, this explains to a certain degree how he may have become an architect. Nothing like the GI bill, and it is a sensible way for John to get the money to go to college. I did enjoy the snarkiness over who had it tougher...the Marines or the pansies in the Air Forcee.

Meanwhile, where should the ring show up, than in Scarecrow's cell in Arkham! Cool! He's almost got his hands on it...when he's attacked by little green birds, courtesy of John and Hal. Oh, he was so close! Just then however, Hal gets a message from Oa that Amon Sur is dead, so he and John hotfoot it to see just what the heck is going on.

I KNEW that first law that Lanterns can kill Sinestros would come back and bite the Guardians! Laira has killed Amon Sur, because he slaughtered all of Ke'haan's family. Unfortunately she did it while he was trying to surrender, so the issue of murder or self-defence becomes hotly contended. Laira of course says that it was justice, and it's rather hard to argue with her, but the rest of them say murder...even her buddies the rest of the Lost Lanterns.

Then Hal and John show up, which of course adds some more tension to the already tense situation. Boodikka snarls at Hal to piss off, and Hal is equally snotty about pointing out that HE was chasing Amon's ring that they shouldn't have allowed to get away. Honnu has the good sense to apologize nad explain.

Then the Guardians show up. Oh Joy.

Is it me, or are the Guardians just getting stupider? So, they decide to pick out a number of Lanterns for this "Great Honor", going with Varix, Chaselon, Kraken, Green Man, Boodikka, oh and John Stewart. Seems they all have the "ability to enforce justice". The Guardians assure the chosen Lanterns that this is really just the highest honor a Lantern can achieve, and everything is just the ginchiest. No need to worry, just reach out and touch the glowing green lantern, and everything will be juuuuuuusssst fine. That's it, reach out and touch it...!

So of course they all do. Except for John, bless his silly old Earth scruples. It appears that John is the only with brains enough to ask what happens when you become an Alpha Lantern, and oh by the way, what OTHER changes are going on in the Book of Oa?

Well! Those darned Earth Lanterns and their brains! The Guardians are seriously displeased and make sure to tell John that they are disappointed. VERY disappointed. Then they haul the rest of them off for a little Cosmic Surgery. What? I don't remember if they happened to tell the chosen THAT little bit of information! And before you can say "WTF?" they are all transformed into the Alphas, with their hearts ripped out, and batteries put in their chests, and other very icky icky things. They even get a new oath.

"In days of Peace,
In Nights of War,
Obey the Laws, forever more.
Misconduct must be answered for,
Swear us the Chosen,
The Alpha Corps!"

Man that sounds a bit on the ominous side to me.

Meanwhile the rest of them are hauling poor Laira off to the Sciencells. She's not happy about it, needless to say, and still feels that she's completely justified. She also points out to Hal, just what would HE do if his brother and family were the ones killed? Hal doesn't answer, but Sinestro hears, and smirks to himself.

Laira just can't believe that they are really going to lock her up. The other Lost Lanterns assure her that they'll stand beside her, even though they more or less threw her under the bus when they were asked if it was murder or justice. For some reason, Laira doesn't find this reassuring,and is about to escape. The others are stopping her, when suddenly all of their power levels drop precipitously. Guess who just showed up?

No Lantern escapes the Alpha Lanterns.

Oh crap.

The Guardians in their infinite wisdom have combined living Lanterns with Manhunter technology, to create new creatures with the best elements of each...or so they keep telling themselves. "The sentient drive and thought process of the Green Lanterns...and the efficiency and logic of the Manhunters."

No wonder Sinestro is smiling.

Oh, and there is also that little thing with the scarred Guardian. She shows up and directs Ash, of Sector 650 to seek out and find the corpse of the Anti-Monitor. Ash is willing to do this, but asks whether or not the other Guardians know about this quest. There is an ominous closeup of the Guardian's eyes, showing the Black Hand symbol as she answers "...of course."

This can't be good for the Green Lantern Corps. But it is hellishly good for Green Lantern fans.

And so...in Conclusion...!

Well, we've come to the end of the Green Arrow Challenge. It's been fun, pointing our fingers at Ollie and laughing. You do have to admit that as crazed as some of his arrows are however, they DO show that he's pretty damned inventive. Insane perhaps, but inventive.

I think you'll agree when you see this one:



Wha? A LOTION ARROW? Granted, it's actually Arrowette's arrow, but still! She shoots herself in the face with an arrow to moisturize? Please consider my mind to be officially boggled.


And finally, there is this one that I blatantly stole from Adam over at "Comics Make No Sense". Because it is a hoot.



Arrows as sled runners? That's something that I never would have thought of. Wouldn't it just be a whole lot simpler to just get an...I don't know...REGULAR sled? This seems like a lot of effort for very little result.

Too bad poor Speedy is so busy angsting there. It's a hard life for sidekicks. The minute their voices crack, and they start to shave, out they go.