Hal Pictures Green Lantern Butt's FOREVER!: Oh, those Krazy Korugarians!

Green Lantern Butt's FOREVER!

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Wednesday, February 18, 2009

Oh, those Krazy Korugarians!

Korugar sounds like a swinging sort of place. Apparently, according to a fantastic review of Green Lantern #124 over at Duskdog's site at http://longdogsandlongboxes.blogspot.com/, the inhabitants are into all sorts of interesting things, including autoerotic asphyxiation and death rites. Lots and lots of death rites. There is also the main populations ability to be swayed by whatever StrongMan character who comes along, be it Sinestro, or more lately, Soranik Natu. Although I have to admit, that in this respect they are pretty similar to us silly Earthlings.

But what always intrigued me about Korugar, was the idea that Korugarians were the ultimate fantasy in male pulchritude for the Zamorans. That, as you all recall, was the twist way back when, as the Green Lantern Corp finally got fed up with Sinestro's shenanigans, and after the Guardians left to go and make cosmic whoopie with the Zamarons, they all got together and decided to execute Sinestro.

In his usual fashion, Sinestro sneered and smirked and was finally quite surprised when, they actually went ahead and executed him! Salaak showed up just a few minutes too late, saying that the Guardians had come up with some sort of cockamamie rule that Korugarian men could never be killed bythe Corps, because the Zamarons liked them all SOOOOOO much.

Now, the Zamorons...er...Zamarons and the Guardians were all descended from the blue-skinned Maltusians. The Maltusian women got fed up when the men all decided to be logical and orderly and give up on emotions. The whole shrinking bit, and wearing nothing but red pyjamas may have put them off too. So, the Maltusian women decided to go off and be Space Amazons, and you really can't blame them. They also decided for unknown reasons, that Korugarian men were really really HOT! This does puzzle me a bit. A receeding hairline and a pencil-thin mustache can occasionally work...just look at David Niven for example...but I think I'd prefer a little variety.

But anyway...I guess what I'm trying to say, in my own meandering fashion...is do the Zamarons STILL have a thing for Korugarians? If so, wouldn't the Star Sapphires be the ones out trying to rescue Sinestro? Lately Geoff Johns seems to have them going after just about anyone, but that mostly seems to be their recruits. I wonder what the Zamarons think of the new female Guardians? Queen Aga'po seemed to regard them all with a combination of pity and contempt, and I really can't blame her. On the other hand, didn't the Zamarons help RAISE the infant Guardians back when Ganthet was the only adult, and Kyle brought them all back as babies? If that is still in continuity, you can say that they didn't do a very good job.

Maybe the War of Light ends with the Queen of the Zamarons running off and living happily ever after with Sinestro, who will hopefully get over his obsession with Hal. THAT would be an interesting ending.


At 10:20 AM, Blogger Duskdog said...

I think it was rather gentlemanly of the Guardians to put in a rule like that about the other men their girlfriends slept with. Most guys would have thrown a cosmic tantrum! (Then again, destroying the Corps could be seen as a tantrum, I guess.)

Sinestro living happily ever after with someone would be a nice twist, wouldn't it? Though I don't know if I would wish Queen Aga'po on him. She seems kind of cold and haughty despite all her talk of love.

Wait... cold and haughty pretty much describes Sinestro, too. It's a match! :) Don't mind his kicking and screaming as she drags him to the altar -- he's really secretly into it.

At 11:09 AM, Blogger Cove West said...

I think it's pretty obvious what's going on here. As we learned two comments ago, Amazons ride kangaroos, and there's such a thing as space kangaroos.

Space Amazons. Space Kangaroos.

Clearly, at some time in the distant past, Maltusian women got fed up with Maltusian men's love of riding giant space bandicoots, so they got on their space kangaroos and flew off in a huff. Feeling bad about the whole thing, the Maltusian men set the giant space bandicoots free and resolved to ride nothing but space pygmy opossums ever again (hence the First Rule of the Book of Oa: "no Green Lantern shall ever force a foe to do anything more than play possum"). Space pygmy opossums being smaller and less bandicooty, male Maltusians eventually evolved to a smaller size in order to more comfortably ride them and moved to Oa, breeding ground of the space pygmy opossums ("Oa" is short for "Opossuma").

Meanwhile, the Zamarons began to notice that, with the departure of the insectivorous space bandicoots, the population of space insects throughout the universe began to increase. The Zamarons atop their space kangaroos fought the swarms of space insects, in particular the feared space mosquitoes, but it was a losing battle. At last, a race arose with the skill to tame the space mosquitos: the Korugarians. One particular Korugarian, Sinestro, was so adept that he even tamed the giant yellow fear space mosquito, Parallax. The Zamarons by then had contracted space malaria and went mad with space lust, and fell in lurve with their saviors. In gratitude, they made copies of the Pink Panther jewel that David Niven so wanted to steal from that Clouseau fellow, calling them "star sapphires."

So for those of us who have actually been paying attention and not just staring at posterities, the plot for "Blackest Night" is crystal clear: the extinct space bandicoots will return from the grave and eat the space mosquitoes, red space wallabies will get angry at the space kangaroos and space pygmy opossums, there will be something about orange space wombats, and the whole universe will be saved when Hal Jordan rides in on a blue space koala.

I think DC has finally broken my brain.

At 11:34 AM, Blogger Sea_of_Green said...


And the entire mess could have been avoided if they'd stuck with cockatoos instead! ;-D

At 10:17 PM, Blogger Duskdog said...

Well, who wouldn't find space mosquito-wrangling sexy?

At 12:43 AM, Anonymous Spectrum Bear said...

What I particularly thought was, ummm, *interesting* about the Guardians' gentlemanly rule concerning their more-or-less romantic rivals - namely, that if any Green Lantern ever used his ring to kill a Korugarian, then the Central Power Battery would be destroyed and the GLC would be over and done with - was that they never bothered to mention it to any of their Green Lanterns.

I mean, really, this is the kind of thing where you would want your universal army corps to *know* that their actions might have somewhat larger consequences than would usually be the case. Just as an added incentive not to do the wrong thing. Wouldn't you say?

At 7:15 AM, Blogger SallyP said...

Cove, you've obviously put a LOT of thought into this subject. Believe me, when I say that you should have been writing Silver Age comic books!

Spectrum, there is that little detail isn't there? Considering the greatest enemy of the Green Lantern Corp WAS a Korugarian, and that his death could bring about the destruction of the GLC, you would have thought that telling the Corp about it would be prudent.

Unfortunately, the Guardians get so hung up on the BIG picture, that they tend to forget the little things.

At 4:07 PM, Blogger notintheface said...

Cove, you're the Bob Haney or Cary Bates of your generation.


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