Hal Pictures Green Lantern Butt's FOREVER!: Life in the DC and Marvel Universes

Green Lantern Butt's FOREVER!

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Thursday, January 22, 2009

Life in the DC and Marvel Universes

It must be interesting to be an average person in either the DC or Marvel Universes. Life would certainly not be humdrum, what with the sky turning blood-red, or alien invasions every other Tuesday. There is a lot that we could learn from these stalwarts. In our reality, we have a tendancy to go to pieces whenever there is a problem, but in comic books, tidal waves, earthquakes, floods, hurricanes, tornados, the complete destruction of New York City, the complete destruction of Gotham City, the complete destruction of the Earth,hell, the complete destruction of the UNIVERSE happens with dull regularity, and nobody bats and eye.

That's because frankly, life with Superheroes is just better. Sure, you may be invaded by super villains, but it is usually just a temporary nuisance. Ok, possibly your entire town may be plucked up by omnipotent beings and placed on the other side of the galaxy, but the up side is, that you don't have to pay your Federal Income Taxes this year! And any wandering Green Lantern will eventually get you home. Look at Jaime Reyes. He was MIA for an entire YEAR, and other than some well-placed anxiety on the part of his immediate family and friends, nobody thought anything about it. When he got back and re-enrolled in school, it was considered just a part of doing business.

Hobos have it pretty good in the comic book world. Whole suits of clothes are readily found in just about any alley in the country. Granted, you have to wait for that webbing to dissolve, but afer an hour or so, you're golden. Wolverine ALONE keeps half of the population of New York in brand new leather jackets. There is also the occasional bonus of an entire Superhero suit, just stuffed in a trash can.

There are all of those handy technological pursuits as well. You can't deny that unstable molecules could be a very handy thing to have around. Plus, the odds of simply LOOKING fabulous are much higher. There just aren't that many ugly or fat people in the comic book world, and the ones that do look less than perfect tend to be villains. If you are a woman, you are more than likely to have incredibly firm and pert breasts and wear a thong. If you are a man, you probably won't have much in your pants, but by god, you'll have great muscles everywhere else!

In the comic book world, with a little bit of luck, you too can pick up a strange rock that will give you powers or be bitten by something radioactive. Instead of your hair falling out and you getting sick, you'll get cool powers! If you are the sort of person who would enjoy a bit of villainy, then there seem to be just tons of crazy inventors and scientists who are just waiting and eager to develop the odd bit of hardware, freeze-gun or potion to fill your needs.

And robots. We have robots, but they just aren't as COOL as comic robots. Who wouldnt' want a cute and cuddly or sarcastic robot? I know I would. You probably would like one too.

But mostly, I'd like to live in the comic book universe because scenes like this would be quite common.
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Banks should definitely have a large "$" on the bags. It just has style. You'll notice that Hal hasn't even bothered with a $ bag. I don't quite know how they are all going to fit in the Batmobile, but rest assured, that Batman will have it covered. Somehow.

16 Comments:

At 8:15 AM, Blogger Saranga said...

It must be an extendable batmobile.

 
At 10:43 AM, Blogger SallyP said...

It has incredible trunk space. Also, Bats left Robin at home.

 
At 11:02 AM, Blogger Duskdog said...

So instead of lifting a cubic ton of those $ bags, or gold bars, Hal uses his vast powers to pick up... a handful of loose cash? Okay, to be fair, it's more of an armful, but come on, Hal. You're failing your villainous team.

 
At 12:45 PM, Blogger MetFanMac said...

I remember reading a comic containing The Thing That Cannot Die, and a Gotham barman explains to a startled out-of-town just why he doesn't consider it strange when it comes to the bar. Great stuff.

 
At 7:05 PM, Blogger SallyP said...

Considering the entire Justice League is there, I am surprised that the bank is even still standing. They could have simply taken the entire vault with them. Hell, they could have taken the entire building with them.

And it probably wouldn't even make the front page of the newspaper.

 
At 7:33 PM, Blogger Maverick said...

The Batmobile must be using "Slideways" technology for its trunk.

In the real world, an orphan can be adopted by an a-list celebrity couple and get hounded by paparazzis for the rest of his young life.

In the DCU, an orphan can be adopted by a millionaire playboy, trained as a roof-jumping vigilante, and lead the Teen Titans.

 
At 10:04 PM, Blogger Shana Jean Hausman said...

I know exactly what would happen if I lived in a world where superpowers are possible. I'd end up hanging around radioactive waste and chemistry labs and eventually die because of all the weird substances I consumed.

 
At 5:14 AM, Blogger googum said...

DC and Marvel only touch on this occasionally, but I figure their respective universes have tons of wannabes. People that want to have an "origin" and get powers, or think they're going to be the next Daredevil or Bullseye.

I guess public service announcements would be different, too. Instead of "Kids, don't do drugs!" a lot of them would have to be, "Please don't put on a costume and try to fight crime."

I lost this Silver Age mini, when my basement flooded. Waiting on the quarter bins to deliver another set someday...

 
At 5:41 AM, Blogger MetFanMac said...

Googum: I know DC's acknowledged that at least once, in the Helmet of Fate: Detective Chimp one-shot.

 
At 6:07 AM, Blogger Sea_of_Green said...

The DC and Marvel universes each have things that I like AND dislike about them. If I were a hero, though, I would DEFINITELY prefer to exist in the DC universe -- at least from a societal point of view. The Marvel universe treats its heroes like crap. :-(

 
At 6:25 AM, Blogger SallyP said...

I swear that I read something recently that had somebody saying to be careful, they didn't want any origins happening, but I can't remember what it was. But I did snicker.

I'm with you Sea. I want to live in the DC Universe too.

 
At 6:59 AM, Blogger Dwayne "the canoe guy" said...

I don't think that Hal could pick up gold bars. I notice that he has started not picking up anything that he doesn't want to be hit on the head with.

 
At 7:56 AM, Blogger GL2814E said...

I don't think I'd wanna live in the Marvel Universe. Any population so cynical that it can believe the rants of J. Jonah Jameson saying Spiderman is a menace after he saves orphanages and stuff like that is really just too jaded for me.

On the otherhand I don't think 'death by being eaten by a super-intelligent criminal monkey' is a problem in the Marvel U so I guess its a trade-off.

 
At 8:13 AM, Blogger SallyP said...

Aww...but super-intelligent monkeys are always a fun way to go! Beats being skrullified.

 
At 5:39 PM, Blogger CalvinPitt said...

They aren't exactly wannabes, but I know Paul Jenkins (in Spectacular Spider-Man) put forth the idea of people who try and get beat up by heroes, by pretending to commit crimes.

As I recall, Garth Ennis made a group of people (including Spacker Dave) who record which heroes they see (like bird watching) and try and get said heroes to sign a sort of bingo card they have.

 
At 12:02 PM, Blogger Paul said...

"Seven Soldiers" #0 and "Seven Soldiers: Bulleteer" miniseries both deal with super-hero wannabes and groupies...

 

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