Don't Read This...!
...If you are easily offended, that is. It's snowing like mad, and I can't get out to the Comic Book Store, and therefore, my childish mind has taken control over my more mature intellect, and I started wondering...exactly what sort of nicknames do you suppose that the Green Lanterns use for their penises?
At least the MALE Green Lanterns. And any other male super heroes. Being female, I don't have a whole lot of experience in this particular sub-culture. I just know that I don't know of too many women who have nicknames for their...um...girly bits.
Kalinara once theorized that Hal would call HIS penis, "Mr. Happy". This seems like the sort of thing that Hal would do.
Now Batman and Robin certainly aren't Green Lanterns, but they ARE Super Heroes, and this certainly seems to bring up the whole subject. My personal belief is that Batman always called his the Batpole, but based on this scene, I'm guessing the Javelin or something. I don't know what Dick calls his. It just seems too obvious.
I guess we can deduce what Guy calls his. At least it shows some imagination!
I suppose that Alan's has something with "wood" in it. Teehee!
Do any of you have some better suggestions? Use your feelthy feelthy imaginations!
I imagine that poor Kyle has been too traumatized by the numerous deaths his love life seems to have caused. I can't ever seem to think of salacious things around John for some reason. But I'll bet that Wally has LOTS of nicknames!
posted by SallyP @ 9:42 AM
17 Comments:
The Cosmic Rod™
That is all.
I'll bet Kyle's is a play on the 'Kiss of Death.'
Stewart probally has something with soul in it...
Personally I don't have a name for my penis, I've only seen that on television... Not that I've asked other guys if they name it...
Maybe Kyle's is called Fridgidair
"Mr. Happy" is what Robin Williams calls his, at least in his comedy routines. I think Hal would go for something plane-related.
Like Co-Pilot. Or Sidewinder (a type of heat-seeking missile).
Kilowog's is Big Poozer. Given that Kilowog calls just about everyone else "Poozer" on a regular basis, I guess that means everyone is just a dick to him. ;-)
...I think Dwayne just made Kyle cry.
I bet Hal does call his penis his co-pilot. They've been on many wild adventures together. And he likes to ask his girlfriend of the moment if his co-pilot can report to her cockpit. (Sometimes that line actually works for him, too. Sometimes Carol just smacked him in the head instead. Arisia always went for it. Cowgirl probably does, too.)
You know, I can imagine Katma and Arisia sitting around at some point having this exact conversation.
For John I'd go with the Ebon Avenger.
Kyle? I think he really does have a dick of death...
I don't know about the DCU heroes, but I have it on good authority that Tony Stark refers to his as "Little Anthony and the Imperials".
Nightwing- the Toy Wonder
Guy Gardner- General Glory
John Stewart- the Shaft
Aquaman- the Sword of Atlantis
Flash- the Speed Stick
Hawkman- the Real Mace
Kyle - "Ladykiller"
Superman - "Love Rocket"
FLash - "The Speed Force"
I keep trying to think of something non-death related for Kyle's cock but all I keep getting is names for Guy's equipment:
The Fire Hose (for when he's with Bea)
The Popsicle Stick (for when he's with Tora)
The Ginger General (good for all occassions)
Guy's personality just itself to this.
The best I can get for Kyle is a lame pick-up line where he asks Natu if she wants to see the torch he's bearing for her.
Oh, and for Superboy/man/gut-Prime:
The One, True Wang of Steel!
I'll go away now...
Why, these are all magnificent! I am so glad that you've all put a lot of thought and effort into this.
Heh heh.
Duskdog, I'll bet that Katma and Arisia have indeed had that conversation.
Sally, you need to put a hilarity warning on these post like you would for spoilers. I just spewed Gatorade all over my keyboard at work and my boss looked at me like I was crazy...
Sally, You have just given new meaning to the term "greenie weenies."
I regret nothing!
See, this is why the DC Universe is so much better than our own. In our universe, we name our own penises. In the DC Universe, they name other people's penises. I bet they have christening ceremonies where they submerge each other's penises in water and everyone claps and then goes out for a hearty brunch. It's very much a communal universe (or, as DC used to advertise, the "Orig-anal Universe," meaning in the Zamoran tongue "the universe where we revere that thing on the opposite side from the anus" (not to be confused with the "Marvel Universe," which in the Kree language means "the universe where we revere Uranus"). In the DC Universe, they take care of each other's penises, taking in young orphaned Dicks and revealing in return their own secret Batpoles. In the DC Universe, their heroes routinely transform into transsexuals named Gal and are rewarded membership in the JLA. In the DC Universe, those who scorn penises are banished to faraway islands where rampant lesbianism leads to frequent destruction and the hatred of the penised world, until such a time as they send an emissary to pay homage to the penises of the heroes of man's world and suffer bondaged punishment for her race's penis-crimes. In the DC Universe, Jewish children perform their own circumcisons (which SOOO explains Atom-Smasher...). In the DC Universe, men wear their underpants on the OUTSIDE.
Regret nothing, indeed!
I'd bet Ganthet doesn't have a name for him but is confident in the fact that (to woefully misquote Rebirth) he can use it to crack a planet in half.
To which Sayd can attest.
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