One of the Greatest JLI Stories Ever Told!
Finally...finally the time has come, to awe and amaze you with one of the best JLI stories ever put to pen. And it wasn't even done by Keith Giffen. No, instead, you had to go to Martian Manhunter #24, written by John Ostrander, and drawn by Doug Mahnke. And look, it was inked by none other than Pat Gleason. I am beside myself with joy.
First off, feast your eyes on the cover.
That's one fantastic cover! And it tells you everything that you want to know about the issue iteself.
As we begin our story, J'onn J'onzz is narrating his story.
"And then there was the time during the Justice Legue International era, when I lost my cookies"
Tell me that's not one of the best introductory sentences you've ever read. As J'onn wanders through the JLI headquarters in search of his beloved "chocos", Fire, Ice and Guy Gardner come across the diabolical duo of Blue Beetle and Booster Gold. The latter are busy cackling in joy over their nefarious plot. Yea, they have stolen J'onn's cookies.
Guy expresses skepticism, so the pair expound upon their perfidy. Having deduced that poor J'onn is indeed addicted to chocos, they have not only stolen his stash, but bought up ALL the chocos within a mile radius of the building! BWHAHAHAHAHAAAAA!!!
Hearing him coming, Booster and Beetle scamper off, giggling like schoolgirls all the way. J'onn looks posively demonic in a lovely splash page, as he asks the all-important questions..."WHO took my COOKIES?!"
Heh heh. Followed by:
His optimism is misplaced but endearing.
Beetle and Booster in the meantime have been watching J'onn in his futile attempt to find his precious chocos. They are able to do this because they have tied the monitoring system of the JLI headquarters into all the local grocery stores and delis. Oh Beetle. If only you could have used your incredible powers for GOOD!
Enraged by his inablity to find chocos, J'onn...er...HULKS OUT! Oh yes he does. At this point, with massive property damage being imminent, Booster and Beetle rather sheepishly come wandering up to J'onn, in an attempt to calm him down. Unfortunately, this leads to Beetle admitting that they were the ones who swiped all the cookies in the first place. J'onn hulks out some MORE, and Beetle and Booster decide that flight is the best policy.
Meanwhile, Max Lord is meeting with the U.N. The Powers that Be at the U.N. are a little unhappy with some aspects of Max's stewardship, so Max is using his little mind-whammy powers on them, with the resultant nose bleed. There follows an absolutely fabulous scene, with Max sitting in front of the huge floor-to-ceiling windows at the U.N., as Booster and Beetle fly by, shortly followed by a completely out-of-control Martian screaming "COO-KIE!" at the top of his lungs, with a massive THOOM...and all the glass breaking. In the meantime not a muscle has twitched among the U.N. and Max's nose bleed intensifies with a hysterical little "Sploot!"
Beetle and Booster have lead J'onn to the warehouse, where they have concealed their ill-gotten booty.
Shortly thereafter, Max and a Swat team show up, with a chastened Booster and Beetle, and a VERY relaxed J'onn calmly munching in the middle of a huge pile of chocos.
Which leads to the finest Intervention scene ever created...!
J'onn is finally forced to admit to himself that he may have a small problem. As a shapeshifter, he has an awareness of his own body down to a cellular level, and is therefore able to cast OUT the actuall addiction, which assumes physical form as a ravenous black goopy thing, which unfortunately for the rest of the Justice League, latches onto the nearest members...
Fortunately, before things get even more embarrassing, J'onn is able to assert control over the addiction, and ends its "pseudo-existence". Ice is left sobbing in Fire's arms, insisting that she hasn't had a single baby seal since she arrived, while Guy just wants to hit something. True to their characters, Booster and Beetle have been paying close attention for blackmail purposes, and when J'onn goes to thank them for helping him kick the addiction, they act like it was their plan from the beginning.
Bad bad Booster and Beetle. However, knowing J'onn I'm sure that he got even eventually.
The story finally ends, in that it is a morality tale being told by J'onn to Kyle, who of course completely misses the point.
But while this is one of the funniest books I've ever read, it still manages to have violence, a great villain, and bang-on characterization. Find it, and read it. You won't be sorry.