Hal Pictures Green Lantern Butt's FOREVER!: One of the Greatest JLI Stories Ever Told!

Green Lantern Butt's FOREVER!

Now with Guy Gardner's Seal of Approval!

Tuesday, April 17, 2007

One of the Greatest JLI Stories Ever Told!

Finally...finally the time has come, to awe and amaze you with one of the best JLI stories ever put to pen. And it wasn't even done by Keith Giffen. No, instead, you had to go to Martian Manhunter #24, written by John Ostrander, and drawn by Doug Mahnke. And look, it was inked by none other than Pat Gleason. I am beside myself with joy.

First off, feast your eyes on the cover.

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That's one fantastic cover! And it tells you everything that you want to know about the issue iteself.

As we begin our story, J'onn J'onzz is narrating his story.

"And then there was the time during the Justice Legue International era, when I lost my cookies"

Tell me that's not one of the best introductory sentences you've ever read. As J'onn wanders through the JLI headquarters in search of his beloved "chocos", Fire, Ice and Guy Gardner come across the diabolical duo of Blue Beetle and Booster Gold. The latter are busy cackling in joy over their nefarious plot. Yea, they have stolen J'onn's cookies.

Guy expresses skepticism, so the pair expound upon their perfidy. Having deduced that poor J'onn is indeed addicted to chocos, they have not only stolen his stash, but bought up ALL the chocos within a mile radius of the building! BWHAHAHAHAHAAAAA!!!

Hearing him coming, Booster and Beetle scamper off, giggling like schoolgirls all the way. J'onn looks posively demonic in a lovely splash page, as he asks the all-important questions..."WHO took my COOKIES?!"

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Heh heh. Followed by:

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His optimism is misplaced but endearing.

Beetle and Booster in the meantime have been watching J'onn in his futile attempt to find his precious chocos. They are able to do this because they have tied the monitoring system of the JLI headquarters into all the local grocery stores and delis. Oh Beetle. If only you could have used your incredible powers for GOOD!

Enraged by his inablity to find chocos, J'onn...er...HULKS OUT! Oh yes he does. At this point, with massive property damage being imminent, Booster and Beetle rather sheepishly come wandering up to J'onn, in an attempt to calm him down. Unfortunately, this leads to Beetle admitting that they were the ones who swiped all the cookies in the first place. J'onn hulks out some MORE, and Beetle and Booster decide that flight is the best policy.

Meanwhile, Max Lord is meeting with the U.N. The Powers that Be at the U.N. are a little unhappy with some aspects of Max's stewardship, so Max is using his little mind-whammy powers on them, with the resultant nose bleed. There follows an absolutely fabulous scene, with Max sitting in front of the huge floor-to-ceiling windows at the U.N., as Booster and Beetle fly by, shortly followed by a completely out-of-control Martian screaming "COO-KIE!" at the top of his lungs, with a massive THOOM...and all the glass breaking. In the meantime not a muscle has twitched among the U.N. and Max's nose bleed intensifies with a hysterical little "Sploot!"

Beetle and Booster have lead J'onn to the warehouse, where they have concealed their ill-gotten booty.
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Shortly thereafter, Max and a Swat team show up, with a chastened Booster and Beetle, and a VERY relaxed J'onn calmly munching in the middle of a huge pile of chocos.

Which leads to the finest Intervention scene ever created...!

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J'onn is finally forced to admit to himself that he may have a small problem. As a shapeshifter, he has an awareness of his own body down to a cellular level, and is therefore able to cast OUT the actuall addiction, which assumes physical form as a ravenous black goopy thing, which unfortunately for the rest of the Justice League, latches onto the nearest members...


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Fortunately, before things get even more embarrassing, J'onn is able to assert control over the addiction, and ends its "pseudo-existence". Ice is left sobbing in Fire's arms, insisting that she hasn't had a single baby seal since she arrived, while Guy just wants to hit something. True to their characters, Booster and Beetle have been paying close attention for blackmail purposes, and when J'onn goes to thank them for helping him kick the addiction, they act like it was their plan from the beginning.

Bad bad Booster and Beetle. However, knowing J'onn I'm sure that he got even eventually.

The story finally ends, in that it is a morality tale being told by J'onn to Kyle, who of course completely misses the point.

But while this is one of the funniest books I've ever read, it still manages to have violence, a great villain, and bang-on characterization. Find it, and read it. You won't be sorry.


At 1:47 PM, Blogger CalvinPitt said...

I'm surprised Guy didn't tell J'onn right from the start, figuring watching J'onn pummel Booster and Ted would be more amusing than watching J'onn's search for cookies.

At 7:41 AM, Blogger SallyP said...

Guy is a bit low-key in this whole story, but if he HAD told J'onn, then we would have missed the entire warehouse scene, which I find to be hilarious.

And you know that somewhere, somewhen, J'onn eventually makes sure that they get their welcome comeuppance.

At 8:44 AM, Blogger googum said...

That's awesome! My boy's a Manhunter fan, so I definitely have to track that one down.

At 7:56 PM, Blogger Derek said...

Wait, was this before Max Lord went wicky in the wacky woo?

If so, I can't help wonder why people thought it was so out of character for him.

At 8:56 AM, Blogger SallyP said...

Hey, I miss Max! He was actually a rather good character. Yes, he was manipulative and a schemer, and he relied way too much on his brain hoodoo to make people do what he wanted, and he probably made L-Ron give him sponge baths, but dammit, I LIKED Max.

At 3:49 PM, Blogger ticknart said...

I remember buying this book based only on the cover and I snickered and giggled up until the point where Max's nose blew. That's where I lost it and started laughing so hard my sides hurt.

Great choice Sallyp

At 9:35 AM, Blogger Nick said...

Oh this is HILARIOUS. Now I must go find this issue if only to revel more in its humor.

I just had a vision of Max Lord at the head of a boardroom table big window behind him and Blue & Booster flying by, yelling, a second later MM yelling COOKIE....oh...I gotta sit down...too funny.

At 3:30 PM, Anonymous Rich said...

I don't understand, why didn't the black gooey thing affect Max? His behavior seems totally unchanged...


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