Hal Pictures Green Lantern Butt's FOREVER!: Hitman vs Green Lantern

Green Lantern Butt's FOREVER!

Now with Guy Gardner's Seal of Approval!

Monday, April 02, 2007

Hitman vs Green Lantern

So I was going through my books the other day, and unearthed a vertiable treasure trove, none other than my run of Hitman, by Garth Ennis and John MacCrea. It broke my heart when it ended, although it WAS an awesome ending, because it was so completely insanely over the top, and hilarious to boot.

So, I'm sifting through the books, and there it was.

Kyle pictures

Tommy Monaghan, and Kyle Rayner on the same cover.

Kyle shows up on a rooftop in complete hissy fit mode, he's been convinced by a presumed Government Agent, that Tommy has a hit out on him, and needless to say, he is NOT amused. Tommy on the other hand IS. It is something of a given, that Garth Ennis is not too enamoured of superheroes, so his version of Kyle is VERY uncharacteristic, which, as a Kyle fan should probably enrage me. However...it is just so damned hysterical, that I find I don't even care. Kyle is written as a complete idiot of course. This is when he was pretty new at the job, and Tommy is definitely the one in charge here.

They are both being manipulated by another nasty little Government agent, who likes to keep a low profile, named Truman. He has a favorite goon named Feekle. (heh heh) Truman is convinced that superheroes are a potential menace, and he wants to rope in Tommy to be his MetaHuman Hitman. (Hmmm, maybe he's the one who warped Max Lord!)

Tommy of course wants nothing to do with this little creep, and he manages to convince Kyle to team up with him. Which Kyle does, but with MAJOR reservations.

Hah! I love the look on Kyle's face. They do a bit of fighting and massive property damage of course. Ordinarily Kyle should be able to wipe the floor with Tommy,but Tommy of course doesn't fight fair.

"I'm a psycho? You threw a hand grenade at me!" screams Kyle.

"Aw, I knew you wouldn't let it hurt you! Just like I'll know if you even THINK of usin' that ring you got...KYLE." replies Tommy.

For those of you who don't know, Tommy can read minds, and I believe has x-ray vision too and maybe some other stuff. And he really is a Hitman.

So Tommy and Kyle go back to Noonan's, which is Tommy's favorite bar, run by his old buddy Sean. They are all just thrilled to see a Green Lantern...ok, maybe not so much, as their comments run from "Green Who?" to "Shorter'n you'd think, ain't he?" They belly up to the bar and have a couple of beers, when who should walk in, but SIXPACK!

I LOVE Sixpack! He starts giving Kyle a hard time about how they won't let him into the Justice Club. He doesn't even recognize Kyle of course, and when Kyle says that he's the NEW Green Lantern, Sixpack just shrugs, and says sorry, they only take originals, while Tommy is busy sniggering at the bar.

There is some more wonderful exposition, Kyle realizes he's been played, and finds out that Tommy really IS a Hitman, which just boggles his poor innocent mind. Then Tommy tells him to get a round, and Kyle has to admit that he doesn't actually have any pockets, and therefore no cash. The rest of the barflies take this pretty hard, and call him a green tightwad...no wonder the Justice Club wouldnt' have him.

There is a whole lot more of course. Truman sends his goons to rought up Sean in the bar, which of course backfires, since Sean just pulls out a machine gun and takes out all of the goons. Tommy hangs out with suspended cop Tiegel on the rooftop eating cookies, while Kyle is champing at the bit. She sets Tommy up with a wire, and he strolls across the street to have a little chat with Truman. This is where Truman expounds upon his philosophy...that MetaHumans are a bad idea, and they should be under his and the Government's control.

"you will become the ultimate Hatchet Man You will have access to killing technologyy on a level you have never imagined. You will add the technique and skills we teach you to your own metahuman abilities. And then you will rid this world the its superhuman plague...If I tell you to firebomb the Batmobile, you do it. If I tell you to execute an Amazon Princess, you do it. If you find yourself looking down a telescopic sight at Superman and I say kill? You will pin him in the crosshairs and send a nuclear bullet directly through his skull."

And Tommy says no.

Of course it all hits the fan from there, and there is a whole lot of running and dodging and shooting and mayhem. Kyle flies into the fray in a giant green flying saucer and scares the heck out of the goons. Feekle is still chasing Tommy, who won't quite making fun of his name, and they shoot a WHOLE lot of bullets at each other.

Of course Tommy and Kyle win. And Kyle just can't accept it really. Tommy finally wanders off, after Kyle is still soliloquizing on the rooftop, which is absolutely hilarious. Truman is out of business, because his whole metahuman murder speech is on tape, and it's just another night in Gotham for Tommy Monaghan.

Again, Kyle is portrayed as a utter nincompoop, but I can't believe that Hal Jordan would have been portrayed any better. Strangely enough, I'm sure that Tommy and Guy would have gotten along just fine. Too bad Tommy's dead and all that.


Post a Comment

<< Home