Hal Pictures Green Lantern Butt's FOREVER!: Why I don't like Batman

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Sunday, January 14, 2007

Why I don't like Batman

Wha...? How can anybody not like Batman you may say. Well duh! I mean the man obviously has some serious issues, but I don't particularly like the way that he treats his family and friends, not to mention the abuse to animals, and the casual whuppin' of various criminals.

First and foremost, his treatment of Alfred. I like Alfred, he's my favorite "Bat" character. However, if he was the one who raised Bruce after the death of his parents, there is no denying that the man is getting along in years, and yet Batman STILL makes him clean a damp and guano-filled cave. It can't be too good for his respiratory system or his arthritis.

And another thing...Alred is the only one you ever see around the mansion. Does he do ALL the cleaning and maintenance on a 30-room mansion (not to mention cave) by himself? Not to mention the cooking, dishes, laundry, etc. etc. etc. That seems like a heck of a lot of work for one elderly man. I hope that Bruce at least gets some kind of daily or weekly cleaning people to come in and tidy up.

His parents are dead. Yes, I get it. However, Dick Grayson's parents are also dead, and he seems relatively well-balanced. I mean most people don't dress up like a rodent to avenge their family members. Well, maybe except for Squirrel Girl, but she's a pretty cheerful and happy character. Until Marvel decides to make her dark and angsty like Dark Speedball I suppose.

However, I was watching "Justice League" on Boomerang last evening, and Superman was upset by Darkseid, and Batman came over and TOLD HIM TO JUST GET OVER IT! Well, if it isn't Mr. Pot Calling The Kettle Black!

I'm not particularly enthralled by his nasty habit of coming up with ways to disable/kill his comrades, ie: the Justice League. He's come up with plans to incompacitate them in "Tower of Babel" AND that whole unpleasantness with Brother Eye and the Omacs. There may be other examples as well that I don't know about, becasue I'm only really obsessive about the Green Lanterns. Geez, I know that your
old Justice League buddies erased 10 minutes from your memory, but you've GOT to get over yourself!

And finally, I don't imagine that PETA or the A.S.P.C.A is particularly fond of our Mr. Wayne either. Just go see Chris Sim's at ISB, and see all the wonderful panels of Batman kicking dogs in the face, or wrestling tigers and such. I know you
have pent-up hostility Bruce, but there are more socially acceptable ways of dealing with anger problems, than brutalizing pets!

Maybe they could come up with a story line with Bruce going to a therapist, a'la Tony Soprano. Get the poor guy some help before it's too late!


At 5:46 PM, Blogger CalvinPitt said...

The psychiatrist idea sounds interesting, but DC being what it is, Batman (or Bruce) would grow to trust the doctor, only to - ala Leslie Thompkins in War Games - be betrayed.

Proving once again that Batman is a lone avenger, a lone wolf, a solitary figure of justice, a, you know lonely type fellow.

At 7:19 AM, Blogger SallyP said...

Well if he'd stop being mean to people, he wouldn't be so lonely now, would he? He's just a long-eared old poopy-head.

At 9:50 AM, Blogger Bully said...

I'm not advocating that all Batman stories need to be light and frothy, by no means. But I do wish there were still a place in the Hypertime multiverse for a Batman who occasionally does stuff like this and this.

At 7:30 AM, Blogger SallyP said...

Fabulous Bully! I liked the penny-farthing bicycles, but I lOVED the Bat-toboggan...and with Alfred no less!



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