Hal Pictures Green Lantern Butt's FOREVER!: Gadzooks, I've been Tagged!

Green Lantern Butt's FOREVER!

Now with Guy Gardner's Seal of Approval!

Tuesday, September 11, 2007

Gadzooks, I've been Tagged!

Ami Angelwings continues her reign of terror, and has tagged me with a new Meme, wherein you must pick ten characters from any kind of media, and then make them do unlikely things. I've had to sit down and really put on my thinking cap for this one.

For Characters, I've come up with the following. And if you don't expect to see a lot of Green Lanterns, then you don't know me very well.

l. Guy Gardner (Green Lantern...duh!)
2. Kilowog (ditto)
3. Dr Gregory House (as played by Hugh Laurie)
4. Snapper Carr (annoying DC character...their answer to Marvel's Rick Jones)
5. Kyle Rayner (still another Green Lantern)
6. Bertie Wooster (also played by Hugh Laurie)
7. Tony Stewart (Nascar driver, as played by himself)
8. Judge Judy (television judge, also played by herself)
9. Wonder Woman (DC)
10. Hal Jordan (the last Green Lantern on the list)

Well, that line-up is certainly...interesting. Onward!

l...Divide the list up by Even and Odds. Which group of characters would make a better Five-Man Band? Who would you slot in each position; Leader, Lancer (2nd in command), Big Guy, Smart Guy and Chick? If you think the team would be improved by swapping one character between the Even and Odd groups, which ones would you switch?

Well, this makes the "Odd" team, consist of Guy Gardner,Dr. House,Kyle Rayner, Tony Stewart, and Wonder Woman.

The "Even" team is Kilowog, Snapper Carr, Bertie Wooster, Judge Judy and Hal Jordan.

Oh, THIS is going to be rich. One team is full of wise-asses, but they seem to both have a fair amount of raw firepower, as it were.

The Leader of the "Odd" team would have to be Wonder Woman, she has the authority and power to back it up. I'd put Guy Gardner as Lancer, he and Diana actually do work pretty well usually. So, Tony Stewart is the Big Guy, Dr. House is the Smart Guy, and I'm afraid that young Kyle will have to be the Girl, 'cause he's just the prettiest.

The Leader of the "Even" team would be Hal Jordan, because he's got the chuztpah to convince the others that he actually knows what he's doing. Kilowog as the Lancer, since he REALLY knows what he's doing, Bertie Wooster as the Big Guy,which really makes no sense at all, Judge Judy as the Smart Guy, and I'm afraid that leaves poor Snapper Carr as the Girl. Haw!

2. Gender Swap Two, Eight and Ten. Which characters would have the most change in their story arc? Which the least? Would any of these characters have to have a complete personality change to be believeable as the opposite sex?

Okay...Kilowog is now a woman. I don't think that it would change his/her personality in the least, except he would now have breasts probably. Other than that, he/she would also look exactly the same and STILL go around calling people poozers...except with a slightly higher voice.

Judge Judy is now a man. A very short man, but hey, I think she/he could swing it.

Hal is now...(snicker) a woman as well. Guy Gardner is laughing his ass off. Of the three of them, I would say that Hal would have the most touble being in touch with his feminine side. Unless of course, that is all that he/she did, in which case, he's locked in the bathroom with a mirror, bubbles and an eggbeater.

3...Compare the matchups of One and Eight, and Five and Nine. (Ignore canon sexual preferences for the moment). Which couple would be more compatible? Which couple would be more plausible to people from either principal's home cultures?

This puts Guy with Judge Judy, and Kyle with Wonder Woman. Oddly enough, I didn't plan that, but I think that it would work out pretty well for BOTH couples! Frankly, I think that Guy and Judy are a match made in heaven. Wonder Woman would probably wear the pants in their relationship, but I don't think that Kyle would mind.

4...Your team is Three, Four and Nine. The mission consists of a social challenge, a mental challenge and a physical challenge. Which team member do you assign to each challenge?

We now have Dr. House, Snapper Carr and Wonder Woman. I'd put Snapper in charge of the social challenge, he's an idiot, but he does have a certain type of smarmy charm. Dr. House in the mental challenge, which worked out rather neatly, and definitely Diana for the physical challenge. She can wipe up the floor with all the rest of them.

5...Number Seven becomes Number One's boss for a week in some plausible fashion. How's the working relationship?

Woohoo! Guy is working for Tony Stewart! His Pit Stops are only three seconds long, because Guy uses the ring to change all four tires, put in gas, and make a wedge adjustment! Tony wins the Daytona 500! Guy gets to spray people with cheap champagne! Much beer is consumed!

6...Number Two finds him/her/itself inserted in Six's continuity. As far as anyone other than Two or Six is concerned they've always been there. What role would Two be presumed to have had in Six's story, and could they fit in without going wonkey?

Oh boy. This would be Kilowog and Bertie Wooster. So...I guess that makes Kilowog Jeeves, which is certainly a fine kettle of fish. However, if anybody could carry this off, it might be Kilowog, who in addition to being awesome, is also pretty smart. And Bertie is an amiable twit, which makes it all much easier. Besides, I WANT to see how Kilowog would handle the entire silver Cow Creamer incident.

7...Three and Five get 3 wishes. The catch is they have to agree on all 3 wishes before they get the benefits of any of them. What 3 wishes would they make?

Dr House and Kyle together? With wishes? I would guess that Greg would want his leg fixed, and Kyle is certainly kind and amiable enough to go along with that. Then they'd get a hot tub and some women I suppose.

8...One and Two are brainwashed by a one-time artifact that works even on people immune to mind control, to attack and kill Four. They have their normal personality, skills and competence level, except any code vs killing has been turned off. Can Four survive? How?

Heh! That's Guy and Kilowog vs...Snapper Carr! He's dead! He's so dead, it isn't even funny! Well, actually, it IS funny because it involves the gruesome death of Snapper Carr! I'm picturing defenestration for some reason.

9...Six, Seven, Nine and Ten must help an orphanage full of small and depressed children have a Merry Christmas. Who does what, knowing that at the very least, the kids will be expecting a visit from Santa?

This involves Bertie, Tony Stewart, Wonder Woman and Hal. Tony Stewart is RICH! He can buy each one of those kids, their own go-cart! And a track to go with it! Diana will give them all hugs, Bertie will dress up as Santa and play the piano, while Hal will hit on the attractive female administrator. Oh, and create green reindeer I suppose.

10...Three and Eight are challenged to circumnavigte the Earth in 80 days or less, using only forms of transportation invented before 1900. Can they do it, or wil lthey be fatally distracted by side quests or their own personality conflicts?

Let's see, Dr. House again, and Judge Judy? The two smartest people on the list! Once they put their minds to it, they'll succeed with no problems. In fact they'll probably finish early. Now if it had been Bertie or Kyle, they would have wandered off to look at the butterflies or something.

This was awfully silly, but certainly an amusing way to spend the morning! Thanks Ami!


At 10:35 AM, Blogger Sea_of_Green said...

Hey, any excuse to squish poor, dumb, annoying Snapper Carr is always a good one. The idea of Kilowog completely destroying Snapper brings a smile to my face. Thanks for that, Sally! :-)

'Course, that Batman/Superman picture of Kilowog stomping on Superman's head brings a smile to my face, too. Go, Kilowog!

Please forgive me, but an unseen force is compelling me to point out: Snapper Carr actually predates Rick Jones by about two years. Methinks Stan & Co. took a good, hard look at the Snapper fiasco and said, "Okay, we definitely don't want Rick Jones to be like THAT." ;-)

At 5:26 PM, Blogger FoldedSoup said...

You had me giggling at the mention of any team that pairs up Guy Gardner and House.

*hee hee*

At 6:48 AM, Blogger SallyP said...

Sea, I did not know that Snapper actually preceeded Rick Jones. All I know, is that he annoys me unspeakably, which is why I was laughing in a maniacal fashion when I had Guy and Kilowog gut him like a fish. But you make a valid point.

Soup, imagine Guy and Dr. House in the same room! It makes my heart sing.

At 7:28 PM, Blogger Greg said...

Oh, I've gone and forgotten what "defenestration" is. Dang my solitary brain cell. Still, what a fun exercise...

At 9:35 AM, Blogger SallyP said...

Greg, I think defenestration means throwing somebody through a window. I could be wrong, but it just SOUNDS so cool. I like desanguination for the same reason.


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