Hal Pictures Green Lantern Butt's FOREVER!: The SHARK goes on the Prowl Again!

Green Lantern Butt's FOREVER!

Now with Guy Gardner's Seal of Approval!

Monday, March 05, 2007

The SHARK goes on the Prowl Again!

That is the title to Green Lantern, Vol II, #28, and words can barely describe the utter lunacy of the story therein.

We begin with Hal, Carol, Pieface and Terga surfing off of Malibu. Yes...surfing. And boy do they have that surfing lingo down.

As Carol Ferris "takes the drop" she loses her balance and begins to "wipe out"...

"Oops! I'm taking gas!" gasps Carol.

I don't know what that means, but it certainly sounds funny. Hal immediately leaps to rescue his boss, but she...disappears! Then we have not one but TWO butt shots of Hal diving into the waves, where out of sight of Pieface and Terga, he summons his Green lantern costume. The artist actually draws it floating in the water.

Next...and this is the supreme moment in the entire issue for me...Hal floats above the water, to search for Carol, he creates a giant glowing green...CLAM RAKE! But instead of scooping up Carol, he discovers none other than the nefarious SHARK! Hal tries to imprison the Shark, but forgets about his "yellow aura"!

The Shark then stands there and in great detail, explains that he's kidnapped Carol, Pieface and Terga...because Hal is his FAVORITE ENEMY! Aawwww...that's just so special! He then goes on for a couple more pages about his history, how he became the shark, how much smarter he is than Green Lantern, blah blah blah. Meanwhile, Hal has actually managed to find his friends and free them. Then he hides them on a green platform in the clouds.

This works for about 30 seconds before the Shark "strips away that cloud...to form yellow hail stones!" Yuck. But not to worry, because Hal makes two giant green tuning forks, which discombobulates the Shark long enough for Hal to save his hapless buddies once again. The Shark, foiled, actually shakes his fist and claims that he doesn't mind, it only makes his ultimate victory THAT MUCH SWEETER! This is absolutely priceless dialogue, and only available in comics.

So, the Shark, making his own stream of water above the city, goes hunting for Hal again, and they fight and stuff, and of course the Shark knocks Hal unconcious. He even probes his mind, to make sure that he's not faking, then lays him down and tries to take the ring off of his finger, when "Abruptly, Green Lanterns' arm shoots straight out for the Shark's jaw...! Knocked cold by that powerful blow, the Shark slides limply to the ground beside his foe (for Green Lantern is still unconcious)...!" Hal beats him up while he's unconcious! Now let's see Batman top that!

They both lie there for a while, but Hal wakes up first and of course completely vanquishes his enemy, by turning him back into a regular shark, and putting him in the Aquarium. Exactly how he manages to accomplish all of this is not explained, nor, if he could simply turn him back into a shark, why did they fight in the first place?

Meanwhile, Carol is sobbing her little heart out, because she thinks that poor Hal has drowned while searching for her. But Green Lantern assures her that although he forgot to tell her in all of the excitement, no need to worry, he fished Hal out before the fight and everything is just peachy.

So, the next day, they all decide to go surfing again! These people just never learn. Carol goes leaping into the waves, leaving Hal and Pieface sitting on the beach, wherein Hal explains that his real ring was invisible, and he had made a fake ring, and then re-enacts the whole thing lying there on the beach with Pieface...which quite frankly looks really perverted, but what do I know.

Anyway...they sure don't write stories like this anymore...which is probably a good thing.


Post a Comment

<< Home