Hal Pictures Green Lantern Butt's FOREVER!: Green Lantern: New Guardians #0

Green Lantern Butt's FOREVER!

Now with Guy Gardner's Seal of Approval!

Monday, September 24, 2012

Green Lantern: New Guardians #0

I've been stalling on doing this one...but I suppose that I just can't put it off any longer.  And there are actually some rather decent things about this issue.  And some mindboggling horrible things as well.

We begin with Carol Ferris, who is teasing Tom Kalmaku for working late.  Naturally, they start to talk about their one true love...Hal Jordan.  They haven't seen or heard from him in a little while and are getting worried, so they decide to break into his locker and see if his lantern is still there. 

Right off the bat, this confuses the heck out of me.  When the Guardians stripped Hal of his ring, one would naturally assume that they stripped him of his LANTERN as well.  I know that Sinestro gave him a new one, powered from his own ring, but I wasn't aware, or if it has been mentioned, I don't remember...him giving him his own Lantern.  So should there even BE a Lantern in Hal's locker? 

Anyway...they can't resist snooping and Carol discovers what appears to be an engagement ring.  Naturally she is stunned.  Heck I'm stunned.  Then there is a Green Glow from Behind Them!  Carol is all excited!  But wait...it's only Kyle. 


I would have assumed that Carol and Kyle had met, but although they seem to know OF each other, they aren't much more than mere acquaintances apparently.  Kyle is there, because he's looking for a Star Sapphire.  Carol just wants to know where the heck Hal is.  Kyle is also looking for Colonel Jordan.

Colonel?  Hal?  What the Hell?  When on earth, did they make Hal a Colonel?  WHY on earth would they make Hal a Colonel?  Seriously, I am simply flabberghasted.  Is this some new 52 thing? 

In the middle of their discussion, Tom notices on the television that Hal and Sinestro are fighting Blackhand.  Carol decides this may actually be serious, and grabs her ring, and off they go to visit the zombies. 

Which leads to this.


Well I'll be dipped.  Carol decided that having all of her naughty bits hanging out was only making her cold, and decided to go with a new  costume!  I like it!  It's still awfully pink, but the black is an excellent touch, and she's actually covered up. She doesn't even have heels!  This is the good thing that I mentioned.

Kyle and Carol are smart enough to remember that you need TWO rings to fight Black Lanterns, and are doing a fairly good job, until they are overwhelmed, and suddenly Kyle is able to manifest the BLUE light of HOPE, and blow those Black Lanterns to Kingdom Come!  Woohoo!

It also dawns on them that maybe they should see if they can locate Hal and Sinestro, when the Ring announces that Hal is Deceased.  Kyle is bummed naturally, but Carol insists that it can't be true...that she would know.  Kyle scoffs at her and her silly feminine feelings, which pisses her off, and she wraps him up in some Pinkness, and all of a sudden, he's seeing a vision of the future, which has him using ALL of the various rings.  I wasn't aware that Star Sapphires could do this sort of thing, but hey. 

And finally, the Zamarons decide to show up and visit the Guardians, and lo and behold they want to do away with their Corps as well!


Maybe this is a Maltusian thing?  Zamarons and Guardians are related after all.  And apparently they are all going nuts.

As I said, there were some things about this that I liked, Carol's new suit, and Kyle and Carol doing a good job together, but Hal a Colonel?  A Star Sapphire having the power to show the future?  If that was the case, why not show how to beat the crap out of those crazy-ass Guardians? 

This was a little on the weird side.


At 2:27 PM, Blogger CalvinPitt said...

Didn't the Star Sapphires have a crystal thing you could look in and see your true love? Could the future thing be some variant of that?

OK, that's incredibly weak. I got nothin'.

At 8:17 PM, Blogger ShellyS said...

rvWow. I'm not reading the GL stuff at all, but that Star Sapphire costume is pretty darned decent. Maybe someone is actually paying attention to the legit concerns about the near naked females.

At 4:51 AM, Anonymous eworewo said...

Well, Hal being a colonel seems to work fine: captain - Hal's rank after he re-enrolled in the Air Force in GL vol. 4 - is the Air Force equivalent of colonel (both are OF5 ranks; captain in the army is a lower rank, only OF2). So we only need to assume Kyle mixed up the ranks from two different forces.
BTW, I've been following your blog for a couple of months now - and enjoying it greatly - but this is my first time commenting (I just normally don't have much to say).

At 8:05 AM, Anonymous green lantern costume said...

I love green lantern! Thanks for sharing this.

At 1:09 PM, Blogger SallyP said...

I'm always pleased as punch when somebody new comments. Or old for that matter.

I did not know that about the Air Force and the Army. Still...the thought of Hal being a Colonel just makes me giggle.

And I love Green Lanterns too.

At 2:04 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Glad to see Carol in a more comfortable-looking costume. Perhaps we'll get to see some male Star Sapphires at some point.

And you're right Sally... I think Hector Hammond must be behind Hal's "promotion". Or someone took a blow to the head.

– Jack of Spades

At 2:16 PM, Blogger SallyP said...

Well, with Hal involved...a blow to the head is practically inevitable for SOMEone!


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