JLA/Hitman

Bueno. Bueno...excellente!

Oh gosh, Tommy, I've missed you. I thank God every day, that I had the good taste and brains to actually go out and buy every copy of Hitman as they hit the stands back in the day, because it was dark, violent, bloody...and hilarious.

Alas...since Tommy Monaghan is STILL dead, this whole premise depends up flashback...a story as told by Clark Kent to a journalist. It is written by the ineffable Garth Ennis, and thank goodness, it is drawn by John McCrea, who did the original book. As usual Ennis pokes fun at the superheroes, but I don't really mind.

And Kyle is in it! Back to being that raw, untried Newbie, who is mercilessly mocked and taunted by Wally, who apparently has his OWN issues, and is busy taking them out on poor Kyle. Batman is pretty obnoxious...he even disses Superman. Superman is FABULOUS, and Wonder Woman is actually done pretty darn well for a change.

Anyhoo...the premise is that a space shuttle is missing, and the JLA discovers that dirty work is afoot. It all ties in with the "Bloodlines" story. A story that frankly, was pretty horrible, except that it introduced Hitman to the world. These rather icky aliens have the power to eat your brains or something, and under rare occasions, create superpowers for people. Tommy got the ability to read minds, (sort of) and X-Ray vision, which he uses constantly on Wonder Woman.

C'mon, if YOU had X-ray vision, you would be doing it too, if you were a guy. If you were a girl, you'd be doing to Kyle. I know I would.

So, in order to solve the mystery, Batman decides to go after Tommy. Tommy meanwhile, is just hanging out with his buddies down at Noonan's. It was SO nice to see Sean, and Ringo, and Nat the hat...sniff. Bats does manage to grab Tommy...AND makes reference to the fact that at their first meeting, Batman punched Tommy...who ended up vomiting all over Bat's shoes.

Haw! It STILL cracks me up. Tommy manages not to heave this time, but does threaten to wet his pants. So Batman hauls Tommy up to the Headquarters, where Tommy is just stoked to realize that he's on the FREAKIN' MOON! He is also delighted to renew his acquaintance with Kyle, who is busy trying to sneak out the door.

Batman of course is outraged and disgusted with poor Kyle, who keeps trying to stammer out an explanation.

"...Dude, it's...it's GOTHAM, you know? Something terrible ALWAYS happens to me when I go there, stuff always seems to get turnd on it head...I mean this one time, okay, someone spiked by drink and don't know WHAT happened...all I remember is this voice going bueno, over and over, bueno, bueno, bueno...! It's all very confusing."

I swear I laughed for ten minutes.

Batman of course begins ranting about what a creep Tommy is, and that he's a Hitman,and moral turpitude and what a disgrace Kyle is, to his ring, to the flag, and to apple pie, when Superman walks in....and is DELIGHTED to see Tommy! See, the two of them had had a nice little bonding moment up on a rooftop once, and Superman thinks that Tommy is just SWELL! Oddly enough, considering his usual contempt for superheroes, Tommy thinks the same thing about Superman. Really, the look of shock on Batman's face, and the smug look that Kyle gets is just amazingly well done. Then Batman spills the beans about Tommy's profession, and Superman gets sad. Oh GREAT, Batman!

So, Wally and Kyle draw a blood sample from Tommy, and Wally is being snarky, and both he and Kyle make fun of the rest of the Bloodlines characters. There are all kinds of little in-jokes and references to old Hitman issues that are going on all through the story. Fun if you know the jokes, but if you don't, it is still good.

Tommy ends up in the bathroom, and decides a little graphitti on the walls is just the ticket. Superman and Wonder Woman have an amazing moment, discussing the morality and mechanics of being a hero and a warrior. The shuttle shows up with its unwelcome cargo, and Superman flies out to investigate, while the rest of them suddenly discover to their horror, that their powers are suddenly gone. Well, not exactly GONE, but they can't access their memories of how to WORK them. They are all standing around discussing this, when Tommy shows up and points out that Superman is OUT THERE!

Oh crap.

To be continued in issue #2...and I can't WAIT!

In the meatime, for those old Hitman fans amongst you, here is the cover to my absolute FAVORITE issue.


"Zombie Night at the Gotham Aquarium". BEST TITLE EVER!