Hal Pictures Green Lantern Butt's FOREVER!: A Guy and his Gnort: Part Four

Green Lantern Butt's FOREVER!

Now with Guy Gardner's Seal of Approval!

Wednesday, November 22, 2006

A Guy and his Gnort: Part Four

And now, the stunning conclusion to our little tale. As seen in the last issue, Gnort and Guy have been captured and tortured by the nasty old Qwardians, and have been just dragged into the great hall, to be confronted by a whole passel of Sinestros, and one HUMONGOUS Sinestro! Guy is understandably rather befuddled by this, so the little Sinestros show that they are really just wearing masks...but they're STILL EVIL! Then they give a little demonstration, and the giant Sinestro breathes EVIL YELLOW FLAMES!! oooh bugger.

So....they decide to torture Guy a little bit more with the flames, to get him to give up Hal. Oddly enough this doesn't work. You'd think that Guy would be just dying to show up Hal, but he takes it like a man. So they bring in Gnort's Uncle Gnewmann, to add a little persuasion. They are goingt to send ol'Uncle to that little dog patch in the sky, but Gnort cracks and tells them what they want to know. Guy is a little cranky, but surprisingly philosophical about it.

So a horde of ravaging Qwardians are mounted on their cool yellow space cycles and head out looking for Hal Jordan, in order to have their terrible terrible vengeance. Meanwhile...They lock Guy and Gnort back up against the wall. Gnort is pretty depressed, snivelling to himself about how all he wanted to do was be a member of the GL corps, and now he's gone and sold out ol' Hal. Guy is caustic, but not to nasty all things considered. He must be mellowing. Guy's trying to figure out a way to get lose, but the "Anti-Oan" energy is counteracting the green of the rings.

(Guy)......."Jordan would figure it out. He'd just sit ther cool as you please and
toss off some brilliant deduction. But could ol'Guy do it? No, never,
not the DUMB one. But Jordan...He'd just say something like Anti-oan
power must be like Anti-matter...exploding when it touches regular Oan
power. He'd say, being artificial, its power-reserves can't be as vast
as Oan power, so the explosions would eventually burn it out. He'd come
up with somethin' like that right off the top, but ME?...Hah!"

(Gnort)......."Um...Guy?"

(Guy)........"WHAT!"

(Gnort)......"You didn't just figure it out...didja?"

(Guy)........"Are you deaf or what? I just said Jordan could...Oh."

See? Guy IS smarter than he looks. He activates his ring, and of course it hurts like HELL, but he still does it, and lo and behold, it works! Poor Guy is pretty wasted by the effort, but he frees Gnort, and they go off to fight the remaining Qwardians. Gnort points out that he doesn't have his ring, so Guy agrees and...drops him. Gnort however, manages to catch the scent of the Qwardian who took his ring, while Guy is fighting off bad guys. Guy isn't doing to well unfortunately, getting another blast of the yellow fire from humongous Sinestro, while Gnort confronts the guard who took his ring. The Qwardian is boasting about how they are going to fry and filet Guy,and Gnort finally has enough and bares his...BIG POINTY FANGS! Wow! He smacks down the other guards with a giant green bone, and basically Pulls Guy's chestnuts out of the fire. Then they go to destroy the flame-spouting head. The little Sinestros shout that by destroying it, Gnort will destroy his OWN power, but he doesn't care! That's one heck of a dog! And Cablooooey!

Guy is finally able to warn Hal who is flying through space and tell him about the Qwardians on his tail. Hal is pretty snarky about it at first, but eventually does listen, and prepares a little surprise of his own for the posse.

The last few Qwardians back in the chamber are beating on Gnort, but Guy isn't having any of that, and pulls him out, making a worm-hole kind of construct to get them the heck out of there just before the entire chamber blows up. It naturally dumps them back where they started, in front of the fake Green Lanterns, who are pissed and ready to rumble. Guy points out that now they don't have rings anymore, all the fake Guardians and GL's are now powerless. Guy's ready to make them pay, but rather unusually, just says the heck with it, and lets them all go. I imagine that even Guy Gardner is feeling a little pooped by now. So he grabs Gnort, and takes him back to his planet. Gnort is feeling pretty sad that he's lost his powers, but Guy says that you never know, which gets his little doggie hopes up a bit.

All in all a silly romp, with lots of action, comedy and some interesting character development. This is one of my favorite of the Gerald Jones era, and it is kind of a shame that things went to on to become a bit depressing later.

3 Comments:

At 1:03 PM, Blogger paperghost said...

I love this story - surprisingly difficult to pick up the full run on EBay, too.

 
At 8:14 PM, Blogger Brandon said...

I find myself warming to the orange-haired one everytime I stop by here.

I'd love to see you do an all Ch'p week, though . My favorite GL gets no respect.

 
At 11:08 AM, Blogger SallyP said...

I do wish they'd figure out a way to bring back Ch'p. Poor Salakk is probably lonely.

 

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