Hal Pictures Green Lantern Butt's FOREVER!: Thursday's Reviews

Green Lantern Butt's FOREVER!

Now with Guy Gardner's Seal of Approval!

Thursday, May 07, 2015

Thursday's Reviews

I don't want to keep flogging a dead horse...but this whole Convergence thing at DC has been pretty underwhelming.  Oh...who am I kidding?  I LOVE flogging dead horses!  It's about the only exercise that I get!  I have only been picking up a few of these issues, mainly ones with characters that I love and miss terribly, so I'm not completely sure about what is going on, other than Telos dropped the domes and now everybody gets to fight!  Woo!

Batman and Robin

Well, for some reason, we have Jason and Damian along with Batman, and for the most part, the two boys snip at each other.  A lot.  They appear to be fighting the Extremists, which to be frank, is not a group that I am particularly aware of. Toyman seems to be there.  A large spiky person tries to pull a Bane on Batman, but it doesn't take. 

Batman wins.  Because he's Batman.  That's it.


Justice League

Evil Aquaman has kidnapped Mera, even though it is a different Mera from his, because...well he wants to get laid, obviously.  This is the evil Aquaman who jilted evil Wonder Woman.  Mera sits around and moans, while waiting to be rescued by her gal pals, mainly Jade, Super Girl, Vixen and Zatanna.  He beats them all because he's...EVIL!  And finally Mera just melts in his arms and says he's her big hunk o' Tuna...and then stabs him.  She couldn't have done this a little earlier?


Speed Force

This is Wally and the Twins, and that Turtle guy teamed up against evil Wonder Woman.  She's evil because she was jilted by evil Aquaman.  These people have issues. 

This was actually...not bad.  Wally does a lot of hand wringing about endangering his children, but hey, at least he's in there trying.  Evil Wonder Woman and her Evil Amazons are busy slaughtering everyone they can find...because...EVIL!  Then Wally does the equivalent of kicking her in the balls, although in her case, it's in the head, the Twins show up, and the Turtle guy doesn't die!  They Win! 


Wonder Woman '77 Special

This was delightful.  The REAL Wonder Woman, in all of her cheesy '70's glory, as personified by the incredible Linda Carter.  I loved this show as a kid.  I also drooled over Lyle Waggoner.

In this lovely little book, we have Diana and Steve going up against evil Russians, in order to save a nuclear scientist, who is busy whooping it up at Studio 54!  OF course he is. Also Silver Swan shows up to hypnotize everyone, and Diana does her thing, and a good time is had by all. 

The second story has Diana waking up in the street, highly confused and unable to turn into Wonder Woman.  Another Wonder Woman shows up, the blonde one played by Cathy Lee Crosby.  It turns out to be an evil ploy by Doctor Psycho naturally, and Diana eventually figures things out and triumphs.  It's a lot of silly fun, and the art is just gorgeous. 

Definitely worth while.


Well, Darren Cross is back, and he's got Cassie's heart, and his idiot son is all happy because Daddykins is back!  Scott is having a heck of a time, and his two flunkies aren't helping because it's after five, and they are off the clock.  He also has to save Cassie, because she's got a new heart, but it's being rejected, so he has to go inside and take out the white blood cells or something.  Then nice Doctor Sondheim lies when Cassie's mom shows up and says that Scott saved Cassie's life, and there is a lot of crying and hugging. 

And now Scott is torn because all he wants is for his daughter to be happy, and he's afraid that being around her just endangers her more, so naturally, being an idiot, he steals away in the night. 

I do love this book, it's light-hearted and fun, but there is a lot of action, the art is great, the writing is excellent, and it's...dammnit, it's a good book.

And speaking of good books...

Tails of the Unbeatable Squirrel Girl #5

This just may be the best book on the stands at the moment. 

So there is a battle going on at the Statue of Liberty, with Avengers and a giant dinosaur robot, and the Fantastic Four, and Squirrel Girl...of course.  The people who were visting the Statue of Liberty are hostages, inside, and they are wondering when they are going to be rescued and speculating on which hero is going to do it.  Naturally, Doreen's roomie Nancy is there, because...of course she is.  And she's not particularly happy about being held hostage twice in a matter of weeks.  But anyway, amidst the speculation, she brings up Squirrel Girl, and is bummed to find out that nobody really knows anything about her.

Not that that stops her, as the various people tell tales of her derring-do...except they are obviously making stuff up, like the old lady teaming her up with Captain America and Bass Lass, who turns out to be Red Skull.  Then there is the clone Squirrel Girl who fights with the Avengers and ends up with a sentient costume.  And future Squirrel Girl, with telepathy and LMD's and it just gets sillier and siller.

Naturally the real Squirrel Girl shows up and rescues them. She would have been there sooner, but there aren't a lot of squirrels on Liberty Island apparently. 

Sweet.  And hilarious.  And Unbeatable!

Secret Wars #1

I had this put in my pull box, and decided what the heck.  What a mess.  So...all these other worlds are crashing into each other or something?  I dunno.  And realities are colliding, and WHAT THE FUCK?  This is the same thing that is going on at DC! 

Also, they seem to have taken the plot directly from Zero Hour, because they even have the blank pages, when the Universe is destroyed.  Way back when, I thought that was mildly clever.  Here, it just seems absurd.  And possibly a little hackneyed. 

So, the Universe has ended, and I don't really care, because all the heroes that I had actually cared about had been turned into evil pricks, so I am glad that they are dead.  Bwhahahahaha!

I won't be reading any more of this. 

But hey, Squirrel Girl was fabulous!


At 7:13 AM, Anonymous Randy Jackson said...

Unbeatable Squirel Girl is teh aweseome.

I've been ignoring Convergence. I've seen scans, and they just prove to me that the problems at DC aren't the characters, it's the people creating the stories.

Hopefully this comment will actually post. Blogger doesn't like me for some reason.

At 2:30 AM, Blogger JimmyTheJiver said...

This comment has been removed by the author.

At 2:49 AM, Blogger JimmyTheJiver said...

Hey sorry I deleted my previous post. It was because I reread it and it made less sense than it does now.

Anyway I don't mean to hijack this post talking about last posts subject, but according to this:


I've been reading this teaser and analyzing it's wording carefully. It seams to imply that the girl is Guy Gardner, not Ariel Masters in lantern garb whose also mentioned as being alive and well. I'm waiting for a twist here beyond Guy's a girl again though. I also still think there's something to Ariel's seaming death and being alive, so I'm not discounting a connection even if the summary implies none.

I would love to see Guy or Gal give Superman a schooling in assholery. I'm not going to set myself up for high expectations, but it's got me intrigued even more now.

At 6:54 AM, Blogger SallyP said...

Jimmy, you can talk about Guy all you want on THIS blog!

When it comes to being an asshole, the new Superman is a hopeless amateur compared to Guy/Gal.

Of course, if this is the future, it completely wipes out the decades of growth and maturity that Guy went through after his days in the JLI, but maybe this is a version of Guy from an alternate universe, or snatched away at some point in time...much like what happened to Booster and Ted, who are also running around there.

It's all a little confusing.

Randy, Blogger loves you! And yes, Convergence has been more or less a dud, other than the small thrill I get from actually reading about Wally and Ralph.

At 11:27 AM, Blogger Sea-of-Green said...

Squirrel Girl is one of the best things to come out of Marvel EVER. There's a reason they've actually included her as one of the major characters in the online Marvel Heroes game. :-)

At 3:03 PM, Blogger SallyP said...

Oh, isn't she fabulous? And hilarious!


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