Hal Pictures Green Lantern Butt's FOREVER!: Guy's Love Life

Green Lantern Butt's FOREVER!

Now with Guy Gardner's Seal of Approval!

Saturday, June 25, 2011

Guy's Love Life

This may seem like a strange topic, but dagnabit, I've been worried, ever since they dropped the bomb that Guy loves the Green Lantern Corps more than anything. Including Tora. Plus, there are the liberties taken by Mr. Winick, when he gave her that idiotic new origin, and messed with their relationship to boot, so that Guy wouldn't be in the "Generation Lost" book.

What I want to know, is can their relationship be salvaged? I knew that we were in trouble back at the beginning to Blackest Night, when Hal was admitting that he was jealous of Guy, because of all of them, he actually had a stable relationship. I read that, and my heart sank right into my shoes, because it was more or less the kiss of death. And if there is one thing that I am fond of, it is the relationship between Guy and Tora. Sure, they've had their ups and downs, but dammit, she's back from the dead, and surely these two people deserve a LITTLE bit of joy. Is that too much to ask?

Apparently so.

So...where does that leave us? Because, as much as I adore Tora (and I DO) I cannot for the life of me, help wondering who ELSE could possibly be brave enough to date Guy Gardner. And so I put my thinking cap on, and came up with a list. A LONG list. Of eligible ladies in the DC Univers.

I left off some rather obvious names. Obviously dead and dead and married women, such as Barda or Sue Dibny don't count. Jesse Quick/Liberty Belle is also a newlywed, so she's off limits. I would also discount Courtney and Cyclone because they're just kids. Same thing for Misfit, Stephanie, Cassandra and Mia. And if anyone thinks of Milagro Reyes, that's just sick.

Still...it does leave a fair number of ladies.

Fire...No. They had their fling, and it's over. Besides, she's into Gavril at the moment.

Jade...No. She's still got a thing for Kyle, and Guy would never hurt Kyle. Besides...I really can't stand her, the little cheating hussy.

Donna...Also no. Another of Kyle's ex's.

Starfire...While he might enjoy staring at her rack, I don't think she's quite his style. Besides,she's going to be hanging out with Jason and Roy. Although she may have a thing for redheads, so who knows?

Raven....Ugh. No.

Power Girl...Well...actually this could probably work, once they got over the mutual animosity left over from his old brain-dead days. But DC is mothballing Peej for the time being, at least such is my understanding.

Supergirl...No. Too young. Even Hal thinks she's jailbait.

Barbara Gordon...No. She was Ted Kord's girlfriend...sort've. I don't really think that they would mesh well. Plus she's a Bat. Bats and Lanterns don't mix.\

Dinah (Black Canary)...No, no no. She and Ollie may be divorced, but obviously they'll be back together again at some point. Besides it would drive Hal crazy. And they really don't like each other that much.

Gypsy...Probably not. I would imagine that after the emotional upheaval that he went through with Kari Limbo, that gypsies would not be high on his list. Yet another reason why Winick's retcon makes absolutely NO SENSE WHATSOEVER!!!

Vixen...Well...they are going to be team mates soon. Although they don't seem to have interacted very much in the past. I suppose that it is a remote possibility.

Ma Hunkel...Now, I'm just being ridiculous. Besides, he was rude to her, when they were rebuilding the JSA headquarters, and she thinks he's a young whippersnapper.

Amanda Waller...Oh God, this could be either the most ridiculous or the most epic pairing ever. Kalinara thinks it could work, but I'm a bit skeptical. It could be fun though...although physically, I don't really think she's his type. He seems to like a touch of the exotic.

Kate Kane...well...there is that whole lesbian thing. And she's a Bat too. So no.

Crimson Fox...This would be the new one, who was hanging with the Global Guardians and was trying to seduce Hal for a while. They are probably total strangers, but what the hey. I suppose it is a possibility.

Katanna...Probably not. She seems a bit intense.

Doctor Light...Same thing. She's really not much fun.

Mary Marvel...Actually, this could possibly have worked, except for the whole underaged thing, and the fact that they turned her into an evil slut. Guy seems to like good girls.

Now, we're getting into the realm of actual possibilities.

La Dama...this is a bit of a longshot, but hey, she's quite an amazing character. Too bad she's actually bad. So probably not.

Rose...Hal's old girlfriend, who to the best of my knowledge is probably still hanging out on Mosaic, waiting for John to pick her up and take her back to earth so that she can pay the taxes on her farm. And ex of BOTH Hal and John, she also can't stand Guy...although he might have taken that as a challenge in the old days, I would doubt that this would work.

Hope O'Dare...now I'm just being silly. She's hanging with the Shade.

Cowgirl...Well...if the whole thing with Hal doesn't work out, and she seems to be pretty undemanding. But she's also pretty much a blank when it comes to a personality...I don't care if she DOES wear a cowboy hat.

Helena Bertinelli...A former teammate and a teacher! They would actually have a lot in common, especially now that he has his brains back. But she is a Bat...kind've. So I don't know. But still, a possibility.

Iolande...Now we're talking. She's a Green Lantern, which is a plus and she's a princess, and he seems to like princesses, and she's exotic, and he likes that too, and dammit, I like her. They could double-date with Kyle and Soranik.

Brik...Also a Green Lantern, and she seems to be developing something of a crush on him, but I don't know. I think that he values her as a comrade, but nothing more. Rock-hard abs are nice, rock-hard boobs are not.

Arisia...I think that they love each other...as friends, or possbily siblings and comrades. Besides she seems hung up on...Sodam Yat (ugh) And Kilowog may still have feelings for her, and he'd never hurt Kilowog.

R'amey Holl...This could possibly work, if they end up bringing her back from the Corpse. Of course, she's all glowing and evolved now, and she does have this habit of tearing people in two.

Bleez...Man, I hope that they don't try to make this pairing work. I get the feeling that she may like him a little, but that she makes his flesh crawl.

Miri...Hey...this could actually work! Miri is adorable...my favorite of the Star Sapphires, and she already has a standing open tab at Warriors.

Carol Ferris...Only as a rebound fling for the both of them. Carol is still hung up on Hal, and Guy is probably still yearning for Tora, and the sex would probably be incredible, but it wouldn't last.


Zinda Blake(Lady Blackhawk)...Actually...you know this could possibly also work. They've known each other forever, and have flirted in a mild sort of way, heck, they even lived together in that great big old Warrior's Commune back in the old Vuldarian days. And dating a hard-drinking pilot with a great ass, would be a bit like dating Hal, so I can see Guy going for it. If nothing else, they would have fun.

Diana (Wonder Woman)...This was actually an idea of Beau Smith's, back in the Warrior days, and I've always rather liked it. They've been flirting in a desultory fashion for years as well, and she is certainly one of the few people in a position of authority that he's always gotten along with...even when he was brain-dead. Heck, he even called her "Boss" back when they were in the Justice League together, which is certainly a heck of a lot more than he ever did for Superman or Batman. Granted, they were sniping at each other during the whole Omac thing, but Ted and just died and tensions were high, and I'm sure that he'd apologize eventually. And she likes him!

Dagnabit, this could actually work! Tom Tresser has dumped her, and she is at loose ends. Tora may or may not have dumped him too.

Tora Olafsdottir...the best of all possible solutions, is of course, to have them figure out what is going on and get back together.

Do YOU have any preferences?


At 9:54 AM, Blogger Gary said...

But DC is mothballing Peej for the time being, at least such is my understanding.

Boo! Hiss! to this decision, I say!

Brik...Rock-hard abs are nice, rock-hard boobs are not.

Haha! Thank you, Sally, that made my day!

There's always Zatanna - probably wouldn't work, though, as Guy'd be fixated on the fishnets.

And after the relaunch, Lois Lane'll be back on the dating scene...

At 10:10 AM, Blogger Erin S. said...

Considering the retcon it's possible Tora and Guy never met before. Dc is saying JLA was supposed to be formed 5 years ago. While Batman was a hero years before that I can't see how JLI fits into this timeline. And unless Jurgens was given orders to follow Winicks' Ice story, or really liked it he probably won't use it. I never got a good impression what Jurgens thinks of Tora but he seems to love Guy.

If Lois and Clark never married (boo!) what about Chris Kent? I liked the idea of them adopting him!

If JLI is trimmed down at least Boosters' armor days/Extreme Justice is erased. I'm telling myself it is regardless. ;P

At 10:35 AM, Blogger Fernando said...

Love the "Even Hal thinks she´s jailbait"! Hal serves well as a standard for pervs :P

I think he´ll go for Dove. She´s sweet and has white hair and he fancies that as far as we know.

At 11:50 AM, Blogger Sea-of-Green said...

Guy needs a Green Lantern girlfriend who loves the Corps just as much as he does. Someone who's just alien enough (from humans, that is), but not TOO alien. And someone who isn't as intense as Soranik.

At 1:43 PM, Blogger Saranga said...

My preference now is for Guy and Amanda Waller. Sally, you are a genius.

At 4:52 PM, Anonymous Jimmy said...

Guy being with an Alien is as redundant as his fellow Green Lanterns. But if it can't be Ice or any human superhero why not try Boodikka? Maybe she's too hotheaded, but it would be funny while it lasted. I don't care for Iolande because she has no personality, but maybe if she had Guy to play off. I like Ramey Hol the best because she and Guy had chemistry, but I wish she was devolved and around.

Honestly I wish Katma was alive and with John. John has been mopey without her and is a mess. If they do hook him up with Fatality I'd be angered.

Hal to be with Arisia (yeah I know the controversy, but they were cute (I also can't stand Sodam) or Brik (the awkwardness would be cute and Hal would learn acceptance) or anyone who isn't a disposable human with a shelf life or Carol (when will she go away? Can't stand her.)

Kyle and anyone who isn't Jade or Donna. Kyle can never stay single which proves my theory that he's boring without someone to interact with, irritating when with a jerk and good when playing off a more interesting character like Guy.

At 2:37 AM, Blogger James Ashelford said...

My vote's for Zinda because she's cool and they'd work as a really "pally" couple drinking everyone else in Warrior's under the table.

Miri's sweet but, storywise, it'd be a bit like bread-and-bread as I guess I view her as wwhat would happen if Ice got a power ring.

At 9:41 AM, Blogger Moriarty said...

I always thought Hal & Zinda would have a lot of fun together. Neither are truly relationship material, but they would definitely be "drinking buddies with benefits". Hell, Cowgirl practically IS Zinda with a cowboy hat.

For Guy, how about Kate (Manhunter) Spencer? They're both spitfires that are somewhat married to their jobs. I think they have similar temperaments and could potentially work.

For more bad news though, it sounds like Huntress is going to be shelved just like Power Girl. Really annoyed by that, frankly.

At 11:15 AM, Blogger SallyP said...

Zatanna is a possibility. She seems to like assholes, since she has hung out with John Constantine, and frankly, when it comes to assholishness, he makes Guy look like a nun. And yes...he would like the fishnets.

God, I hope Jurgens isn't going to use Winick's idiocy.

I never thought of Dove actually. Isn't she supposed to be in a "relationship" with Deadman? She's the only one who can hear him apparently.

Sea, a Green Lantern girlfriend would probably work the best in the long run. If they are changing stuff that much, it is possible that R'amey could be around...I noticed that the DC Universe site was showing a bunch of Green Lanterns and giving a small biography, and they showed her, withOUT the whole Corpse thing. So that's a possibility.

Guy and Amanda Waller, is actually Kalinara's idea. But it IS briliant.

I wish that Katma was alive too. Poor John is such a gloomy Gus.

Zinda would be a helluva lot of fun frankly. She's Cowgirl with an actual personality other than simply wearing a hat. Plus she and Huntress apparently drank Hal under the table and then laughed about it, and Guy would love that.

I also thought about Kate Spencer, which could actually...work. You know that he'd be great with Ramsey.

At 11:39 PM, Blogger LissBirds said...

Ollie and Dinah are divorced?! I didn't know that!!

As soon as you said "good girls" I thought of Miss Martian, but she's way too young and that would just be creepy.

I still like Tora, hands down, but now I'm wondering how this whole Guy/Amanda Waller thing would work out....

At 12:00 AM, Blogger Saranga said...

@Liss: I think they got divorced after Cry for Justice.

At 11:47 AM, Blogger SallyP said...

Yup, she dumped him. All those people who said it wouldn't last a year, were right apparently.

At 5:36 AM, Blogger Your Obedient Serpent said...

Argh, now I can't stop seeing Milagro in her mid-20s hitting on a grizzled but still rugged late-middle-aged Guy.

"I remember you. You're the crazy one."

I blame you for this, Sally.

At 11:49 AM, Blogger SallyP said...

Heh heh!

At 7:36 PM, Anonymous Mister Arbitrary said...

"If JLI is trimmed down at least Boosters' armor days/Extreme Justice is erased. I'm telling myself it is regardless."

Since that time, the DCU has gotten rebooted, lowball estimate, once during Infinite Crisis, at least twice during Trinity, at least once during Final Crisis, plus whatever is going on with Flashpoint, plus plus the even more drastic reboot after that. So I have noooooooooooo problem dropping THAT stuff down the memory hole. Also Power Girl never gave birth to anybody, whether or not she even exists in this next universe.


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