Hal Pictures Green Lantern Butt's FOREVER!: If I Ran the World

Green Lantern Butt's FOREVER!

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Tuesday, November 23, 2010

If I Ran the World

Things would certainly be different, that's for sure. I occured to me, after reading about all of the hubbub at the various Airports concerning body scanning and patdowns, that there was a way to put a POSITIVE spin upon this rather unpleasant experience. My brilliant insight just happens to come from years and years of reading comic books.

For example, if they hired some REALLY attractive men, I'm sure that quite a large number of ladies wouldn't object too strenuously to being body searched. The same could probably be said, if you hired attractive young ladies to do the same patdowns for the men. If you were to dress them up in skintight superhero comics, you'd have a line forming VOLUNTARILY to undergo this procedure!

Seriously, who wouldn't want to be checked out by Power Girl for smuggled explosives?

I've already explained by theory that we could wipe out crime by legalizing drugs...but only making them available through your Motor Vehicle department. Standing in line with other surly people, all clutching scads of obscure paperwork...it's just not worth the trouble to get high.

In that vein, I'd like to propose a way to wipe out our national debt...tomorrow! In states that still have executions...put them out there on Pay-Per-View! BUT, not just any sort of execution. Lethal injections are pretty dull, you would have to liven things up, by only using Comic Book Villain Death Traps! Giant Wedding cakes filled with quicksand, or flaming pits of boiling lava, mechanical cockroaches...there are all KINDS of truly spectacular ways to get snuffed...and provide entertainment at the same time!

I don't know if I'm being brilliant, or if my blood sugar is just low.


At 12:24 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Sounds like you've been watching The Running Man. :)

At 12:37 PM, Blogger SallyP said...


At 2:01 PM, Blogger James Ashelford said...

An Arnie film written by Stephen King (under a pseudonym) where criminals are given the chance of a pardon if they survive a series of death traps on live TV.

Pretty good film. It also involves Arnie stabbing Arnold from Happy Days with a cartridge pen.

At 2:02 PM, Blogger Saranga said...

it's a film. arnie is in it. a futuristic dystopia type thing.

At 3:02 PM, Blogger notintheface said...

And Richard Dawson from "Family Feud" plays the emcee.

I probably would have liked it more if I hadn't read the King story first. They really changed it from the book. (In the book, the "contestants" weren't criminals seeking freedom, but rather poor people seeking a big money prize.) As it was, though, it was still entertaining popcorn fare.

Plus: Richard Dawson!

At 3:09 PM, Blogger notintheface said...

Green Lanterns would make great TSA agents. All they'd need to do is shine the green ring light on people.

Imagine it:

FWASH! "He's OK."
FWASH! "She's OK."

In fact, One GL could probably scan dozens, maybe hundreds, of people at once. And Lantern ring energy has no health risk, either.

At 4:03 PM, Blogger Sea-of-Green said...

*I'll* vote for you, Sally!

At 12:17 PM, Blogger Gary said...

Ignore the Running Man film - the book by Stephen King (writing as Richard Bachman) is as different from that as League of Extraordinary Gentlemen is from its filmed version. It's way better.

Oh, and if PG's scanning people, I'm buying a ticket!

At 12:37 PM, Blogger SallyP said...

Yet more proof that the DC Universe is superior to ours. Sure, there may be alien invasions every other Tuesday, but really, who WOULDN'T want to be scanned at the airport by Green Lanterns?

It's hard work being a criminal when you have to deal with the likes of superheroes.

At 7:48 AM, Blogger Dwayne "the canoe guy" said...

Actually Guy would be a bad TSA screener because there would be some hot chick and it would take him several hours to 'check her out'

At 8:21 AM, Blogger Your Obedient Serpent said...

"If the circuses are good enough, nobody cares about the bread."

-- Your Obedient Serpent, c. age 16


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