Guy - Pants = Great!

Recently I managed to get my hands on the Flash annual #3 which consisted of two vey amusing stories, the running gag in both of which being that each member of the JLE was given one of those transport tubes which had to be programmed. Unfortunately, the directions were on par with those of your average VCR, so Wally is having a rather hard time. As a matter of fact, in the first story, his Mother manages to get it working. It is however, the second story, entitled "A Chunk at the JLI" that
really rises to the heights of absurdity.

Chunk, aka Chester P. Runk is a former not so criminal, who is trying to help Wally
reprogram his Matter Transferral Tube. Wally is an idiot, so they end up calling in Bart Sturm, another former villian, who gives his cute little intelligence amplifying
helmet to Wally...with disastrous results. Because of his hyperactive metabolism, it
malfunctions, and turns Wally into basically an idiot savant, who flops around drooling for a while. Chunk expresses his desire to join the Justice League, and of
course Wally comes up with a FOOLPROOF method...basically show up at the front door, while wearing a suit.

MEANWHILE...at Justice League headquarters, Guy Gardner finds himself in something of a pickle...in that Booster and Beetle have stolen his pants. Yes, our boy is clad in his turtleneck, vest and cute little polka-dot boxers. He never DOES get to wear pants in the entire story, which I consider to be quite a bonus. Anyway, he needs his pants, because he's going to be interviewed by the reporter Desiree Busch, who has her own agenda. Guy doesn't mind, because he's too busy leering at her cleavage through the video comm.

Anyway, Chunk and Wally show up at the front door, which is answered by Guy...in his underwear. Mistaking them for door-to-door salesmen, he slams the door shut, and goes off to take a shower, now just wearing his boxers and a cute little showercap. However, Chunk turns out to be a teleporter, and he and Wally show up in the shower just as Guy is about to get in, leading to this lovely bit of dialogue from Guy..."Gleeeeeeeeppp!" He jumps back startled, and whacks his head against the sink, a'la Hal Jordan, and is now lying unconcious on the floor.

Chunk and Wally now proceed for quite a number of panels to manhandle poor Guy's half-nekkid body, and also manage to thwack his head against the floor several more times.





Hilarity ensues! Guy is fit to be tied, and tries to blast them both with his ring...unfortunately for him, Wally has taken it and now can't remember what he did with it. Guy starts yelling, Wally starts crying, and Chunk gets pissed when Guy shoves him, and teleports him...sans boxers to slugworld.



Nekkid screaming Guy! This has to be my favorite scan ever! Chunk manages to bring him back and by now Guy realizes that Wally isn't exactly playing with a full deck. Also, Desiree shows up with her film crew, and Guy STILL hasn't had his shower. Fully believing in the power of proper ablutions, Guy tells Wally to stall her, while he jumps back in the shower. This works out about as well as you think it would, and Desiree bullies her way into the bathroom and pulls the shower curtain open on poor Guy, who gives ANOTHER scream, so Chunk, Wally and Guy all teleport out of there. Wally finally finds Guy's ring, (it was hidden under Wally's tongue) and thinks that everything is going to be fine now...except that they are out in space floating around in some pink goo. And Guy is still without pants.