Hal Pictures Green Lantern Butt's FOREVER!: A Guy and his Gnort; part Two

Green Lantern Butt's FOREVER!

Now with Guy Gardner's Seal of Approval!

Friday, November 17, 2006

A Guy and his Gnort; part Two

Ok, enough prologue, now we are getting to it! Since the Guardians have never even heard of Gnort, Guy is determined to go to Gnort's home planet and straighten things out. Gnort of course, thinks this is a FABULOUS idea, and beguiles the trip by singing to the tune of "Green Acres":

Greeeeeeeen Lantern is the guy to be!
Power Ringin' is the life for me!
Ring-slinging' through the Gal-ax-y...
Keep your Planet and gimme that Battery!

Kind of catchy eh? After several pummelings by an increasingly agitated Guy, they do eventually find Gnort's planet...a canine paradise full of bushes and fire hydrants. Gnort introduces Guy as his "assistant" which goes over about as well as you would imagine. Guy is getting pretty fed up with Gnort's innocent boasting, especially because it reminds him of...himself.

Bhwahahahaha! So, Gnort's uncle Gnewmann is the one who gave him his power ring, since Gnewmann is in "tight" with the Guardians. Guy isn't buying this for a minute and they go and find Uncle Gnewmann in his lair...complete with steaks hanging off of trees and a hot tub shaped like a dog dish. While Guy demands to know what is really going on, Uncle Gnewmann, distracts Gnort by throwing a ball for him to fetch. No, I am NOT making this up. And, while Guy is distracted by Gnort's slobbery ball, Uncle Gnewmann sends a secret signal...the the Qwardians! Oooohhhh!

Guy can't stand it any more, and heads out with Gnort again, this time to find Hal Jordan, who is happily enjoying a book, some coffee and a bit of solitude. Needless to say, THAT doesn't last long. Guy starts babbling about how'sHaldoing, and he wasjustintheneighborhood. Hal of course isn't buying Guy's story, and poor
Guy is forced to finally admit that he needs some help finding these weird new Guardians. Hal realizes that perhaps this is why he's having so much trouble recruiting, and he and Guy are actually getting along and exchanging some useful information, but of course Guy just can't keep his mouth shut and suggests that Hal go out and recruit Arisia, so Hal boots him and Gnort out.

Gotta love the hearts. So Guy and Gnort head out to find the faux Guardians, and run into a pair of Qwardians, who are convinced that they are fighting Hal Jordan, and keep expecting some clever ruse on the part of the Green Lantern. Little do they know what they are dealing with, Guy just mows them down like bowling pins. And finally, they see the tents of the Guardians in the distance. Wait a minute...tents?

Yup. It just keeps getting better and better.


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